


Healing

by Firerose17



Category: DreamWorks Dragons (Cartoon), How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Astrid and Tuffnut are dying in the first two chapters, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Sibling Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:15:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24825178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firerose17/pseuds/Firerose17
Summary: When Tuffnut and Astrid are killed in battle Ruffnut and Hiccup find comfort in each other.
Relationships: Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III/Ruffnut Thorston
Comments: 41
Kudos: 21





	1. How can I be happy if were not together?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A group of hunters atack Berk and Ruffs life will change forever because of it

Fire and distruction. That was all Ruffnut saw as she and her brother were flying over the island that they called their home.The whole scene reminded her of the time when the war with the dragons had been raging,only this time it werent dragons that haunted Berk it were dragonhunters. 

The hunters who ever had sent them were different from every other hunter group they had ever fought.They were smarter and had obviously planed this atack for a long time.The Berkians hadnt known what hit them when an armarda of ships suddenly appeared at their shores in the middle of the night.The ships were full of catapults and dragoncages.Luckily the night patrol had spotted them in time but they werent able to hold them off. They were just to many.

Ruffnut had been in a deep sleep only to be awoken by her terrified mother.Ruff had never seen her mother terrified so she knew that the situation was serious. When she and Tuff ran outside to see what was happening Berk already had been under atack.The hunters had ran of the shore and set everything on fire with flaming arrows or knocked dragons out of the sky with dragonroot arrows whlile a few stayed on the ships.When Ruff and Tuff had arrived at the great hall most of the Berkians were already there and were asking Hiccup, their chief a thousand questions. Hiccup had been obviusly overwelmed with the situation but he tried to appear calm. He had told the women, children and the old vikings that they had to stay in the great hall. Then he had told the Vikings who were able to and wanted fight to split up and drive the hunters out.Ruff was more than willing to follow that order.

"Take that you stupid yak dung." Ruff yelled as she and Tuff set up and explosion with their dragon.

The targets of the explosion ran away with paniced screams."Yea run away but you cant eacape the power of the nut." Tuff added to her words.Ruff couldnt help but laugh as horrible as the situation was it was always awesome to fight at her brothers side.They had just stoped a group of hunters from destroying a yack farm. Aperantly the hunters werent just interested in berks dragons but also their animals and recourcess.

Suddenly a new wave of hunters advanced them.

They ran screaming towards them aiming their bows with dragonroot arrows at them." Man those guys never quit, looks like we need to teach them another lesson."Tuff said in his most michivious voice. Ruff nodded but before they could launch their atack a montrous nighmare came out of nowere and a voice yelled :" Coming in hot and blowing up snot!" Ruff rolled her eyes as she and Tuff joined Snotlouts atack. Snotlout was always trying to show of and since he had fallen in love with her his ego had seemed to grow into the size of a dragon.Only a few seconds after they had chased away the hunters Snotlout already tried to flirt with her." Hey babe, I bet you didnt see my awesome surprise atack coming did you?" Ruff groaned and replied:"No, but I could hear it ver loudly." She added with a growl,, and for the hundreds time this week dont call me_" She was interrupted by her brothers amused voice:" I hate interrupt your very interesting conversation but I think we have bigger problems than your romantic lifes!" "he pointed in the direction of the village were battle crys could be heard and dark smoke was rising over the roofs.Ruff was almost thankful to be distracted fom Snotlouts stupid flirt atempts.She smiled at her twin and replied:,, Alright lets go bro, goodbye Snotlout!" with that she and Tuff raced towards the villlage. Snotlout flew behind them but was luckily silent.

The village was in chaos. Everywere she looked Berkians were fighting hunters with axes maces and swords. Many Vikings already lay motionless on the ground their bodies covered in blood. Others were cowering on hous walls holding théir injuries to stop the blood.Houses were burning and wild dragons were roaring fearfuly.Valka, eret and Fishlegs were trying to help as much as possible but Some of the hunters were holding crossbows and she assumed that they werent just meant for the dragons but also their riders.

Snotlout imidiatly started to atack the hunter with the crossbows while Ruff and Tuff flew to the other dragonriders. "Thank thor! you came exactly at the right time!" Valka said reliefed while she was atacking a hunter who threatened an injured Berkian with a sword.,, Thanks we have are pretty good at being somewere at the right time."Ruff replied grinning at her brother who retured the grin. They were both thinking about the many pranks that they had executed and watched. Fishlegs flew next to them and asked worried." What about the farms?" ,, They-" Ruff had to stop because she and tuff had to dodge a crossbow bolt that was fired at them.,, I think they are save there were only a few hunters left and it looked like you needed more help." She answered.Valka nodded and said:"Yes we do! we need every rider we have here to protect our people."" Uhm but not every rider is here." Tuff said with an comfused expression and then asked" Were are Hiccup and Astrid?" " They, Gobber and Astrids oxllliury riders are taking care of the ships." Valka replied and Ruff could hear tone of worry in her voice. Fishlegs gave Valka a reasuring simile and said:,, Im sure theyre fine. Hiccup and Astrd have survived worse."Ruff had to agree with him.Maybe Astrid and Hiccup were too serious all the time but she had to admit that they were great warriorrs.

The battle seemed to take forever.Evertime Ruff and Tuff defeated a group of hunters. Three new ones came out of nowere.

"We should thank them! they helped us to break our record for the most explosions!" Tuff laughed while they were fightingt one of the last hunter groups who had been trying to destroy the armory.Ruff replied grining."Yes we should but we wont give them an acknoledgement in our book." " I agree with that statement dear sister." Tuff said trying to sound as serious as possible. Ruff broke into laughter. She loved to joke with her brother during battle. It was one of those times that she was very happy to have a twin. They anoyed each other very often but she loved him deeply.They managed to disrupt the hunter group with an explosion, and their very effective maces. They flew towards the sky to avoid their arrows.They managed to fly over half thr village but then it happened.barf and Belch gave a roar of pain and fell out of the sky and towards the ground.Ruff gasped in shock as she saw a dragonroot arrow sticking out of the dragons side.Before she and Tuff could do anything their dragon crashed on the ground and threw them of.

Everything hurt.Luckily they hadnt been very high in the air but it was still high enough to make her whole body hurt. She knew that she needed to get up.It wasnt a very good idea to lay unarmed on a battlefield ( Her mace had been knocked out of her hand) and hunters were probably already advancing her.She tried to get up slowly but her bones still protested with a sharp pain" When she finaly was finaly to stand up again,She called out for Tuff hoping that he was ok."Im fine sis. I -" his voice that was very close suddenly stoped and turned into a painful gasp.Ruff felt adrenalin shoot through her veins as she quickly turned around to the directionn of Tuffs voice.

Everything seemed to slow down and her whole body seemed to freeze.She couldnt move or scream. The only thing she could do was starring at the image that she knew would haunt her in her dreams.

Tuff lay trembeling on the ground.His hands were pressed on his stomach in an desperate atempt to stop the blood from puring out of a large wound.A large man stood over him with a bloodied sword.

The sight of the sword suddenly ripped her out of her shock and replaced it with boiling fury.She was the only person that was allowed to hurt her brother. She screamed her war cry and grabbed her mace that had landed only a few feet away from her.The hunter laughed amused and atacked.

It was a very short fight.She dodged his sword two times and then knocked him out cold by smashing her mace into his head. Ruff would have loved to do so much more but Tuffnut needed her.

She kneeled next him and used the hunters sword to cut out a piece of cloth out of her vest.She had no experience as a healer but she could tell that Tuffs condition was very bad.She pressed the cloth against his wound and asked despreatly "Tuff? can you hear me? " Tuff tried to smile at her but it turned into painful grimaze. He croacked:" y...y,..ye..s.." She forced a smile and took his hand. " Good. just try to stay with me for a few more minutes.Im sure the others will find us soon and then we can bring you to Gothi." "I..m ..sorry Ruff..but.. I.. I dont think.that.I.. have that much time left"Tuffs words made her scared but also angry.Did he really think that she would just let him die? "Shut up! you`re not dying on my watch bro!"She said defiantly while trying to hide her rising painic.Tuffs grey eyes were filled with tears but he somehow still managed a soft smile." Ruff...please....dont....change ... afte I..."He sudenly stoped and just stared at her. Ruff needed a few seconds to process what was happening and then she started to yell.

"Tuff? Tuff! this isnt funny! I know that you arent dead!"Ruf yelled while she was shaiking Tuffnut body violently.She knew that this was just one of his stupid pranks and that he would once she believed it laugh and ask how she dared to think that he would ever leave her alone.

But no matter how much she yelled or shook him he dint react. The horrible truth slowly began manifest itself in the back of her mind but she still refused to believe it. Her twin wasnt...he couldnt be dead.

She slowly touched his chest and felt his pulse stil hoping to find signs of him being alive, but what she felt only comfirmed what she had refused to accept:Tuffnut, her younger twin,the person that she loved more than anything in the world was gone.

Everything seemed to fal apart as the truth finaly crashed down on her.Ruffs eyes became watery and her body began to tremble. She felt like somebody had removed a part of her with a rusty dagger. A very important part that she needed to survive and that she couldnt be the same without..She couldnt imagine living without her brother who had been a part of her since they had been born and his last wish that she wouldnt change after his death seemed impossible for her to fufill. How could he expect her to ever joke or laugh again after tonight? Ruff knew that Tuff wanted her to be happy, but how could she be happy if they werent together?

Ruff felt tears fallinig down her cheeks and soon the first sobb escaped her lipps.She wrapped her arms around Tuffs body and buried her face into his shoulder. Soon she was sobbing so violently that she wasnt able to hear her Snotlout and Fishlegs yelling her name or the painiced questions that they asked.She didnt react when Fishlegs pulled her into a comforting hug. She wasnt able to do anything.She was only able to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, so this the start to my Ruffcup story!  
> I love to explore different ships and since there are only a few fanfictions to this ship I decided to write one myself. 
> 
> The next chapter will take place during the same time as this one and it will be from Hiccups pov
> 
> Ps: I would like to get some feedback!


	2. I cant imagine a world withou you in it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiccup tries to protect his people and suffers a great loss.

Hiccup was scared. Not of the dragonhunters but of his responsibility as chief in this battle.Of course he already lead his people into battle before after his father had died but was a battle that had been planed by him. He had felt completly in control and it also helped that he had knowm the enemy he was fighting.This time however he was unprepared and had no idea who these hunters were. He knew that the Berkians counted on him to protect them but how was he supposed to do that? He couldnt be everywere at the same time.

He just hoped that his friends would be able to stop the hunters from entering the great hall.Just the thought of unarmed woman and children being harmed made his stomach turn. He knew that his friends would do anything to prevent that fom happening and that was what worried him the most.Hiccup kew that his friends were very good warriors but he was stil scared that one of them could be hurt or worse. Hiccup knew that he would never forgive himself if anything happened to his riders.

He tried not to think about it abd instead tried to focus on the people that he actually was able to protect:The small group of dragonriders that he and Astrd lead into battle against the dragonhunter ships.

,,HICCUP WATCH OUT!"Astrid yelled while Hiccup was blasting a ship. He tured around just in time to see flaming boulder flying towards him. He quickliy dodged it and then flew to Astrid to help her. " Thanks, I have no idea how Im still alive with all those deadly objects being thrown at me." Hiccup said in an atempt to light up the mood. Astrid laughed."I hate to say it but their barvery is very impressive." Astrid said. Her expression changing from amusement to worry.

Hiccup knew what she meant. All other hunters they had fought over the last years even Viggos were only threathening when they thought they had the uperhand. But once they had been defeated they turned into frightend cowards. The huntergroup that they fought now however was anything but cowardly. They stayed on their ships no matter how damaged they were and this way the dragonriders were often forced to kill them.Of course they all killed many trappers during the war with drago but those kills had happened so fast that they never really thought about it. But now they had a perfect view of the man that died in the fire of their dragons  
and Hiccup suspected that the hunters had planned it that way. They wanted the riders to feel guilty and in Hiccups case it worked

"Yea. impressive and very bad for us." Hiccup answered while he was trying to get a shot at the hunter ship without being impaled by crossbow bolts. 

Astrid let stormfly shoot spines at the hunters which forced to back back way a few steps. Hiccup used this moment to blast a hole into the ships deck.The ships were larger than every other ship in the archepelago but they were stil made out of wood and after Astrid shoot a few more spines at the deck Hiccup was able to sink it.

Astrid flew to the next group of ships to help Gustav while Hiccup flew higher above the ships to get a better a view of the situation.

The fleet looked evem bigger from above than it actually was. There were over twenty large ships with large black flaggs on every mast and the flames of the dragonfire revaled a horrofying symbol on every one of them.A large green dragon that got imaled by a large speer.Hiccup had never seen that symbol before and even Gobber who knew every tribe in the archepelago wasnt able to tell him were those symbols came from.

Speaking of Gobber Hiccup saw him and spitelout fighing against three huterships.However the experienced warriorrs didnt seem to have a hard time. They were laughing and shouting insults at their enemies which made Hiccup smile.His smile dissapeard when he saw the rest of the dragonriders.Astrid had trained them well but Hiccup could seehow overwlmed they were by their enemies.Bucket and Molch were caught between two ships. The hunters were fireing at their dragon with no mercy and it would only last a few seconds until their dragon would get hit. Hiccup acted fast and raced down towards them. He let toothless shot a few got aimed blasts at the archers who stoped their atack for a a few seconds.Bucked and Mulch used this moment to blow up one of the ships while Hiccup took care of the other one. " Thanks chief!"Hiccup noded but he couldnt help to feel a little bit uneasy.He hated to be called chief because he felt like he deint deserve that title. He had spent most of his teenage years with exploring and altho he had leadership qualities he still doubted himself.The Berkians calling him chief seemed wrong and Hiccup had often begged them to call him Hiccup.His friends understood him and called him by his normal name. Well exept for the twins who loved to tease him wit his new title.But the other Vikings constantly called hin chief even Eret who technecally wasnt even a Berkian.

Hiccup wasnt sure how long the had been fighting until the battle finaly seemed to turn their favor.He had fought on Astrids side the entire time and only concentrated on sinking ships until he suddenly realized that there were almost no hunters to fight anymore. Most of them were trying hold themselves over water by holding on to the remains of their blown up ships. There were only a few hunters left that were standing on still intact ships and they werent fighing as brave as they did a few hours ago. Hope rose in Hiccup as he blasted another ship and one hunter jumed overboard in panic. Maybe the battle would finaly be over soon.

"Hiccup look! looks like the battle on Berk didnt go to well for the hunters." Astrid said gleefuly and pointed to the shore. Hiccup felt a mixture of relief and joy as he saw over twenty hunter running towards them. Their clothes had been torn to pieces by fire and the typical Viking weapons.The other dragonriders started to cheer at the sight of them and Hiccup almost seemed tempet to join in. But something was holding him back. " Do you think the others are ok?" He asked Astrid worriedly.He wanted to believe that his friends and his mother were unharmed but a little part of him feared that one of them had been hurt or worse.A big battle could end many lifes even dragonriders. Astrid smiled reasurelingly and replied:,, Im sure their fine!" your mother is an amazing warrior, and Fishlegs is unbeatable when hes trying to protect children. Snotlout and the twins propably had the time of their lifes."Hiccup smiled and said:,, Thanks Astrid. I dont know what I would do without you." Astrid laughed and Hiccup once again realized how much he loved her laugh.

" Hey Hiccup. did you see my awesome fighting skills?" Gustav asked very excitedly as he flew next to Hiccup. Hiccup had indeed seen that Gustav fought very bravely but he was stil anoyed at his quesion.He didnt like that Gustav was excited over a battle that could have killed him.Gustav clearly didnt understand that a battle wasnt an awesome adventure.

"Yes did! they were really good." Hiccup said and he could almost see Astrid rolling her eyes behind him. Unlike him she had no problem with telling Gustav how she felt about him showing of.Gustav opened his mouth to say something but then his eyes widened in shock. " Astrid look out!"Hiccup heard Gobber yell. He quickly turned aound and what he saw made his stomach turn.Astrids blue eyes were full of pain and horror as she looked down on the crossbow bolt that had pierced her hip.Hiccup felt like time had been slowed down. He couldnt move it was like his body had been frozen.He couldnt belive what he saw.Astrid looked at him and her beautiful blue eyes were shimering with tears. Then she fell.

It was like he had been snapped out of a trance as he finaly realized what had happened. Astrid had been badly injured because he hadnt paid attention to the hunters that were still on the ships.He imdiatly dived after her determed to save the love of his life. Stormfly followed him while the other dragonriders began to atack the remaining hunters.Hiccup ignored their furyous war crys and concentrated on saving Astrid. He finaly managed to grabb one of her arms just before she fell into the sea but then a second crossbow bolt pierced through her throat, destroying any hope that she might be still alive. Hiccup yelled in desperation and pulled Astrid on Toothless.Her body felt limb in his arms and he could feel that her breating had stoped.

"ASTRID! ASTRID PLEASE! dont.. dont leave me." He begged her even tho he knew that it was pointless.Guilt tore his heart to pieces and tears were falling down his cheek. This was all his fault. He should have protected her but instead he had been talking in the mmiddle of a battle. He should have known that the remaining hunters were still a threat but the worrys about his friends had distracted him.

He had spend the whole battle trying to protect his people and just when they were about to win the battle he had failed to protect his fiance.He had loved her since they were fifteen and yet he failed her.Hiccup looked at her and felt angry at the sight of the two crossbow bolts that were still sticking in her body.He grabbed them and pulled them out.He knew that it didnt matter but he wanted Astrid to look as unharmed as possible. Maybe because he wanted to imagine that she was alive for a few moments.Stormfly squacked frentikly as she flew next to them. The nadder new that her rider was dead and it broke her heart.

Hiccup didnt notice stormfly. He couldnt see or hear anything besides his own sobbs.Hiccup turned Astrids face to him. Her eyes that had been full of life were now empty and her skin was pale as if she was sick.

Suddenly Hiccup had to think about the time when Astrid had been infected with the scurge of Odin.Her face had looked excatly the same as it did now. The only difference was that bback then he had saved her and now he failed her.He rembered what he had said to her when he was beging her to stay with him.

"I cant imagine a world without you in it."

This sentence repeated itself in his mind over and over again.He had no idea how he was supposed to life without her. Who would stop im from blaming himself now? Who would reasure him that everytthing would be okay? Hiccup pulled Astrid against his chest and closed his eyes.He just wanted to wake up from this terible nightmare but he knew that he couldnt. This was his reality now and there was no way of escaping it.

" Hiccup?,Hiccup?"Hiccup sudenly realized that Gobber had flown next to him.The blacksmith had tears in his eyes.He lay a hand on Hiccups shoulder and said softly." Im.. Im so sorry! Astrid didnt..she didnt deserve this." Hiccup was greatful for Gobbers comforting words but he wasnt able to respond.The only thing he could do right now was sobbing. Gobber seemed unterstand because he didnt say anything. Instead he closed Astrids eyes so that it looked like she was sleeping.Hiccup leaned forward and kissed her forhead like he always did when they went too bed. He wanted to life in this alternative reality in which Astrid was just sleeping but deep in his heart he knew that she was dead.

The other dragonriders gathered around tem None of them spoke but they were all crying. Astrid had trained them. It was because of her that they were dragonriders and even tho they had never said it they admired her.

" We.. We should fly back." Gustav said and his voice was full of sorrow.Hiccup didnt want to fly back. He knew that he would have to explain what had happened to Astrid and he knew that he would break down once he tried to put it into words."The boy is right chief.What happened to Astrid is very tragic but we cant stay here forever!" Spitelout said sternly. Hiccup knew that they were right.They couldnt stay here forever and he had to tell his friends about Astrid no matter how much it hurt him.

He nodded and so they flew back to the village leaving the burnig remains of the ships behind them.

As soon as Hiccup saw his mother he jumoed of Toothless with Astrid still in his arms. Valkas eyes widened at the sight of him and she imdiatly pulled him into a comforting hug, Hiccup broke down imdiatly and told her everything.Valka did not say anything until he finished then sh said softly."Its not your fault,son." Hiccup wanted to belive her but his guilt was too strong."I.. I should have protected her." he cried. Valka gently stroked his hair and replied." You did the best you could." Hiccup lay Astrid on the ground sobbed into his mothers chest.He couldnt look at Astrid anymore the only thing he wanted was to be held by his mother.

After a few minutes he dparted from her. He didnt want to but he had something important to do.

" I have to tell the other riders about Astrid." He said trying to sound calm. Valka nodded and then looked a little bit worried." I dont know were they are. They actually should have been back by now."Hiccups stomach turned to ice. Would his worst fear come true? Would he loose all of his friends in one battle?

He picked Astrid up and sat on Toothless. Flying over the village made Hiccups guilt even worse. So many corpse that were covered in blood.He wanted to ignore them but he couldnt.The fear that he would find the corpse of one of his friends made him look at every single one of them.

When Hiccup found his friends he felt like somebody would ripp out the last remaining piece of his heart.He wanted to fly away and forget that Tuff had died but he couldnt. It wasnt like it would change anything.His friends werent noticing him yet.They were too busy comforting Ruff who lay sobbing over Tuffs corpse.They were both hugging her and Ruff didnt resist.Hiccup cpuldnt believe that the goods were that cruel.They had not only taken Astrid but also seperated the twins. Hiccup couldnt begin to imagine the pain that Ruff felt and he hated himself for being about to make it bigger.

He carried Astrid towards them and lay her next to Tuff. Snotlout and Fishlegs looked at him and then at Astrid. They imdiatly understood but did not say anything.Ruff didnt seem to notice any of this and Hiccup was almost reliefed. She was suffering enough. He suddenly felt an impulse and sat down next to her Fishlegs and Snolout let go of her as if they understood what he was about to do. Hiccup carefuly wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his chest. He didnt now why he was doing this. Maybe it was because they both had lost the people they loved.He didnt want to think about the reasons. He just wanted to comfort her and hope that she would forgive him for failing to protect her brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi so this chapter is very long so im sorry if their are any grammar mistakes. English is not my motherlanguage so writing long chapters is a little bit difficult for me.
> 
> Thank you for all your nice feedback on my first chapter it really made me happy.
> 
> Please tell me what you thought about this one!


	3. Break down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruff is scared of breaking down again.

Ruffnut couldnt sleep.Everytime she closed her eyes images of her brothers death flashed through her mind and Tuff was the last person she wanted to think about rght now.She knew that she needed to be rested for the sea burial which would take place in the next night but that aperantly didnt matter to her body. So Ruff lay awake in her bed and thought about the night before this one: The night in which her brother and Astrid had been taken from her and her friends.

Ruff still couldnt believe Astrid was dead.The powerful and beautiful viqueen of Berk who Ruff had thought was unkillable.She would have never admited this to Astrid but a part of her had always admired her. She had admired Astrids strenght and how everyone emidiatly followed her orders.Ruff never had spent much time with with her because Astrid had always seemed so different from her. She was a troublemaker that loved chaos and Astrid had been a stragetist that needed to plan everything. Ruff rembered well when their different personalities had caused a fight between them and she also rembered how happy she was when Astrid seemed to learn that sometimes chaos was a better battle stragety than long planing.Ruff had felt more respected by Astrid from that point on but they still hadnt spent much time together because Astrid was closer to other people like Hiccup or Heather.

Now Ruff wished that they had put their differences aside earlier so that their friendship would have develpted more. They could have had so much fun together but now it was too late.She often caught herself thinking about the things they could have done if Astrid was alive, and even tho it hurt it was better than to think about Tuffnut.

Every time she tried to think about him a sharp pain was egnited in her heart.A pain that cut as deep as a sword and caused her whole body to tremble. It was the same pain that had caused her mental breakdown after his death.She could barely remember anything besides her violent sobbing and the comforting hugs from her friends. She couldnt even remember how she had reacted to Astrids death. Fishlegs however told her later that she had looked at Astrid for a few seconds only to bury her head in Hiccups chest.

Ruff hated that she couldnt remember and she hated how weak she was.She was supposed to be strong and fearless but instead she was vulnerable.It was because of a very good reason of course but that didnt mean that she liked it.She never wanted to break down again and that was why she suppressed any thought about her brother and even the tears that she wanted to cry for him.Ruff hated herself for not thinking about him but it was the only way of escaping that stabbing pain in her heart.

Her mother tried to help her but her comforting words couldnt change Ruffs mind.There was even a part of her that was angry at her mother.Ruff knw that it had been her mother who dragged her away from Tuffs corpse and she could never forgive her for that.Ruff also did not like how her mother acted as if everything was going to be ok when in reality nothing would be. Her son was dead. She should be devastated like Ruff was but instead she said how they needed to move on and honor the memory of Tuff. How was Ruff supossed to honor his memory when even the tyniest thought about him threatened to break her.She had alaways loved her mother but after this day Ruff somehow felt very distant from her.

She acually felt very distant from all Berkians because no one seemed to understand her not even her friends.

When Snotlout had tried talk about Tuff and she had told him that she didnt want to be reminded of him because she was scared of another breakdown he looked very uncomftorable and said that that wouldnt work because of the sea burial that she surely would go to..

No comment about her fear just a few uncomftorable words. Fishlegs had been very shocked when he heard from Snotloout what Ruff was doing.He had imidiatly come to her mothers house and held her a long lecture about how suppressing painful memorys or feelings was often the reason for breakdowns. After astleast ten minutes she had interupted him by saying that she was tired and that she wanted to sleep.It had been a lie of course but no matter how anoyed she had been at Fishlegs she didnt want to yell at him to leave her alone. 

Maybe Hiccup understood her because he too had to deal with grief but she had barely seen him because he was busy doing chief work.

She had played with the thought of taliking to him at the see burial but she was scared of hurting him.He was suffering enough already and she didnt want to make it worse. Ruff was sure that she wouldnt get a chanche to talk to him anyway because Dagur and Heather would be at the sea burial too and they would have a lot to talk about.

Ruff wanted to stay in her bed until the night.She really wasnt in the mood for another day were people looked at her pitiful and her friends asked concerned questions. But unfortunatly her mother told her that Hiccup wanted her and the other dragonriders at the harbor to welcome Heather and Dagur.Ruff thanked her mother shortly and was almost out of their house when her mother lay a hand on her shoulder. "You know I think your friends are really worried about you and so am I"Her mother said softly and then a paused looking at Ruff for a long time then she countinued."I just want you to know that you arent weak if you cry. Crying isnt a weakness and I think no one on Berk would blame you for it."

Ruff knew that her mother was right.They all had cried at stoicks sea burial and no one had complained about it. But it wasnt fear of the Berkians reactions that made her suppress her sorrow. It was fear of the stabbing pain and the vuroability it caused.She knew that if she would allow herself to cry again she would have another breakdown and she never wanted to lay sobbing on the ground again unable to do anything.Ruff forced a smile and repliedd:,, I know thanks mom." Ruff still planed not to cry but she wanted her mother to stop worrying.

When she arrived at the harbor all of her friends were already there.

Snotlout and fishlegs were talking to each other low voices while Hiccup sat still on toothelss his gaze was distant as if he was dreaming about another time. Maybe a time were Astrid had been still alive.

"Morning Ruff." Hiccup greeted her with a weak smile.His voice sounded almost as tired as Ruff felt and she suspected that he also had been awake the entire night haunted by his thoughts.She suddenly felt a wave of empathy rising in her heart which was the first emotion besides empitness and sadness that she felt since the battle.She knew excatly what Hiccup was going through and it hurt her. He didnt deserve to suffer like this

."Morning, when are Heather and Dagur ariving?" She asked quickly to avoid being asked any questions about her condition."They will be here soon, Heather wrote me yesterday that they would arrive in the early morning." Fishlegs answered and his voice was full of sadness.Ruff guessed that he had been the one to tell Heather about Astrid and she imdiatly understood his sadness.It wasnt easy to tell a person that her best friend was dead especially in a letter.She also felt a little bit guilty for shuting him of yesterday.He had only tried to help her and it wasnt his fault that she was scared." Good, Im sure Heather looks forward to see you." She said in an affort to comfort him.Ruff thought that it was a very weak attempt but Fishlegs looked a little bit less sad and replied:,, Yea propably I just wish it was under better sircomstanses." He replied softly

."I still dont understand how this could happen... I mean...tuff and Astrid.." Snotlout stoped in the middle of his senence as he looked at Ruff and Hiccup. He seemed to realize what he had been about to say and looked to the ground. Ruff felt her heart aching at her brothers name and suddenly flashbacks of his death flashed through her mind. She closed her eyes to block them out but it was too late. She just hoped that no one saw her body shaking." Ruff?" Hiccups concerned voice sounded very distant.Ruff tried to calm herself by taking a few deep breaths.She couldnt break down especially infront of hiccup who already had enough to worry about.She tried to suppress the images and the pain but it was really hard because the pain was worse that usuall.She tried to open her eyes but she couldnt do anything.She felt very dizzy and asked herself how long it would take before she was on the ground again.

She suddenly felt somone puting an arm around her waist and Hiccup voice said softly:"Ruff?,Ruff?, Its alright Im here."She foccused on his voice and the images and the pain slowly dissapeared. She opened her eyes to look at him. Hiccup looked very concerned but there was also something else in his eyes:Understanding. He understood her pain because he felt the same one. Ruff wondered if he was scared of breaking down too. She opened her mouth to thank him but in that moment two dragons came flying towards them.

Heather was the first one who landed and Ruff imdiatly saw that she was crying.She got of windshear and asked Hiccup in a shaking voice."Is... Astrid really... Is she dead?"Hiccup nodded and Heather let out a sobb. dagur who had landed next to her imdiatly wrapped his arms around her and stroked her hair comfortably. "Im so sorry you have to suffer like this brother. You have my word that if I find these hunters I will make them wish that they were never born!"Dagur said furyously and his eyes looked even mader than usual.Ruff never thought she would see Dagur being so angry about two dragonrider deaths. Hiccup seemed to be uncomftorable and replied:"I dont think it would be a good idea to search for them they are peretty good fighters." "Good then it will atleast be a challenge." Dagur replied grining.

Heather freed herself out of his arms and shot him an angry look then she turned to Ruff.Heathers eyes were still full of tears but she somehow managed to stop her sobbs."Are you alright Ruff?" Heather asked very carefuly and Ruff knew that Heather didnt want to hurt her by mentioning Tuff.Ruff was really greatful for that and answered:"Yea its hard but Im going to be ok" She tried to ignore her friends expressions.Ruff was a good lier but her friends knew her to well and it didnt help that she had a panic atack only minutes ealier.They knew that she would never be ok and Ruff knew it too.

The day went by too fast. Ruff thought she was mentally prepared for the night but when the sun started to sink panic began to rise inside her.She suddenly realized what she had to do and it made her stomach turn. She had to set her twins and Astrids corpses on fire like she had done with stoicks only months ago.Her hope that she would never break down again if she didnt think about Tuff now seemed silly to her.How could she not think about him if she saw his burning boat?

Ruff knew that she would break down as soon as the arrows had been fired and it scared her.But it wasnt just fear that rose in her it was also guilt. She hadnt thought of Tuff since two days and one night just because she was scared of being vonruable.She had tried to forget her twin because of her own selffishness. He had pleaded that she wouldnt change after his death and yet she changed already.It were thoughts like this that let her lie to her friends that she wanted to take a walk into the forest and it were thoughts like this that caused new tears to fall.

When the sea burial began Ruffs eyes were dry again.She stood next to her mother and looked to the sea were twenty boats were floating across the water.The battle really had taken many lifes and Ruff saw how much it devastated Hccup.The very powerful speech that was spoken at every sea burial barely came over his lipps and he often had to pause as if he didnt want to get to the end.Ruff had no idea how Gobber had been able to speak so fluently and powerful at stoicks sea burial. But maybe the older Vikings were so used to saying and hearing those words that they managed to say them automatically.Ruff wasnt sure if Hiccup had managed it if his mother hadnt been standing next to him.

He looked at her every time he stoped and it somehow motivated him to go on. Heather and dagur were also standing close to Hiccup and Heather had started to sobb again.She wasnt the only one.All Berkians were crying but the dragonriders were crying the most. Fishlegs was sobbing so violently that he had to lean on Snotlout for support. Snotlout was clearly trying to stay calm but tears were already streaming down his cheeks.Ruff felt strangely calm but she knew that it wouldnt last long. She only managed to keep herself together because she tried to completly foccus on the present without thinking about what was going to happen soon.

Her calmness vanished as soon as Hiccup raised his bow.Panic made her stomach turn to ice and she felt her whole body trembeling." _Don break down. you cant break down !stay focused!"_ She thought while she slowly rose her own bow. She knew that she would break down but she wanted to set the boats on fire first. Ruff wanted to see her brother and Astrids soul go to Valhalla first before she would cry for them. The fire burned at the piece of her arrow and she had to admit that it looked beautiful. She pulled the arrow back with a shaking hand and then fired the arrow.

As soon as the boats burned her heart felt like it was burning aswell.Bow and arrow were falling out of her hands as she sunk to the ground.Suddenly she was relieving Tuffs death again. She saw his body covered in blood and she heard herself yelling at him to knock of his stupid prank.Ruff tried to breath but all she could do was sobbing.

"Ruff its alright everything is going to be alright. Im so sorry about Tuff. I should have protected him and Astrid and I know that you probablly hate me but we are in this together and I promise you that we will get through this together!"Hiccup said softly as he pulled he into a tied hug.His words distracted her from the pain and she could finaly breathe again.She was greatful for his comfort and felt less vulnorable in his embrace.The images slowly dissapeared but the pain and the tears were still there.Ruff also felt a lttle bit angry because Hiccup thought that she hated him for something that he had absolutly nothing to do with."I.. I dont hate you, I hate those stupid dragonhunters!" She sobbed while slowly lifting her head to look at him.

He smiled at her thankfuly but there was still a lot of guilt in his eyes.Ruff knew that Hiccup had already doubted himself before but the death of Tuff and Astrid had made it worse.She had no idea how she could help him but she knew that she wanted to. Ruff felt conected to Hiccup because he seemed to go through the same pain as she did. It was like he had said they were in this together. She buried her head against his chest again and he pulled her closer. He started to sobb and Ruff joined him.They were both siting on the ground lying in each others arm,s and Ruff somehow did not care that she felt weak because she knew that Hiccup would be there for her no matter what happened and she promised herself that she would be there for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so Ruffcup was a little bit more prominent in this chapter and I really enjoyed writing Ruff and Hiccup caring about each other<3
> 
> Like always I would like to hear what you thought about this chapter


	4. Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiccup and Ruffnut are shairing their grief and Hiccup realizes something.

"I think we should sent riders beyond the archepelago to take our revenge on those dragonhunters!" Spitelout said determened and many other vikings of the council mumured in agreemend.Hiccup ,who was sitting in between Gobber and his mother, felt anger rising in his stomach as he heard those words.Only one week had past since the battle and Spitelout wanted to put mew lifes in danger already."I don't think thats a good idea. First of all we have no idea were to start our search and secondly we could accedantely lead other huntergroups to berk."Gobber replied sternly.Hiccups stomach turned into a knot at the thought of more hunters coming to Berk.Spitelout rolled his eyes and said:"Come on Gobber they killed two of your former students! dont you want revenge for them?"

Hiccup flinched and asked himself how Spitelout could be that cruel. Hiccup knew that Gobber had choosen his friends to fight against dragons when they were very young and that he kept an eye on them since then.The blacksmith had grown to love them just as much as Hiccup and it clearly destroyed him that two of them were dead now.To remind him that they had been his students was like stabbing him in his heart.Hiccup looked at Gobber who looked surprisingly calm."I don't think taking revenge will bring them back spitelout."Gobber said and then frowned."Why are you so obssessed with avenging them anyway? did Tuffnut mean that much to you?" Hiccup coud now hear a tone of anger in Gobbers voice and he knew why. It was no secret that Spitelout hated the twins especially because his son was so close with them.Hiccup had often seen him look at them in distgust and he had also often seen him push them out of the way.The idea that Spitelout was sad or even angry about Tuffs death was a far stretch a very very far one.

"Its not about what they meant to me! They were Berkians and everyone who messes with a Berkian has to pay." Spitelout nearly yelled while shaiking his fists and the older vikings yelled in agreement.Hiccups suspicion came true:Spitelout didnt want to fight the hunters because they killed Berkians he just wanted an awesome fight were he would be able to show of.Hiccup knew that he should put a stop to this but he didnt have the strengh.Since Astrid had died he felt weak and it was only because of his mother that he hadnt spent all of his time working on new inventions.Hiccup wished his mother could take over as chief but she insisted that he was a very good leader.Hiccup had once started to believe that too but now those words seemed like a very bad joke to him.He had failed to protect the people he loved. How was he a good leader?

"Valka are you sure you have never seen that symbol before?"Björn one of the man that had agreed with Spitelout asked formly.Valka looked impatient which was no wonder because she had answered that question a hundret times." No,I have fought trappers for twenty years and none of their symbols were like this one." Björn sighed in dissapointment Hiccup was tired of this disscussion.He wished he could just stand up and go but he knew he could'nt.He did not care about the hunters and neither should his people.The whole siting and listening caused his mind to desire distractions and unfortunatly that distraction were memorys about older times. He remembered his friends sitting here with him and Astrid looking at him reasuringly.Hiccup tried to oppress this memory by trying to concentrate on the conversation of the others.

"So who wants to acompany me?" Spiteloud asked very enthusiasticly." "Enough with this nonsensse we should protect our people not send them into suicide missions." Valka demanded and Hiccup felt deep admiration for his mother. She should be leading berk not him. "Our people? Im sorry Valka but you did'nt care about Berk for twenty years I find it hard to believe that you suddenly care now!" Spitelou really had a talent for being insensitive. Hiccup knew that his mother didnt return to Berk for so long because she had been afraid that her understanding for dragons would never be understood by the Berkians. Hiccup understood her and he had thought that anyone on Berk did too. He again felt anger at Spitelout boiling up inside him."I know it was a mistake to stay away for that long but-" " Yes it was a mistake! Like letting you attend to this meeting. Im sorry to say this but Im not quite sure were your loyaltys lie."A collective gasp could be heard from the vikings at Spitelouts words.It was like Hiccup had been ripped out of his trance. He still felt weak but he would'nt let anyone accuse his mother of being a traitor.

" Enough!"He yelled and the vikings looked at him in shock.Hiccup was usually a very calm person and the seeing him snap was very disturbing. Hiccup glared at every single one of the warriors and thought that maybe he should let them go so they could realize what it meant to loose loved ones.He imdiatly felt guilty at this thought but he was still angry.He hated how these men were speaking of new battles already as if Tuff and Astrids death meant nothing to them." How can talk about battles so easily? Did you all forget how many people died in this one or do you just dont care?"He said and there was so much anger n his voice that his father would have been very proud of him.

Spitelout opened his mouth to say something but Hiccup didnt let him.All the grief and anger that had build itself up in the last few days now finaly came out of him."Do you all know what its like to loose someone you loved? How it is to be awake every night thinking about how you could have saved them? Do you know how painful it is to be reminded of them everyday? I do and I can tell you it is killing me. I dont want anyone to feel the same pain but if you are so eager to fight go ahead I wont stop you, but dont say I didnt warn you!" All of those words flooded out of him like a waterfall and when he was finaly finished he felt very satysified.It felt realy good to finaly tell someone what he was feeling and now he had an excuse to leave. He stood up and looked apologizing to his mother. Valka nodded and shot him a soft smile. Hiccup was reliefed and walked to the door but before he went outside he turned around and said in Spitelouts direction."If any of you accuses my mother of treachery ever again I will banish you from the great council." Hiccup knew that this was a realy weak threat but no matter how angry he was he would never do anything cruel to his people.

Telling people about his grief had helped but not made it dissapear. As soon as he had walked a few steps he thought about Astrid again. He asked himself how she would have reacted if she had been with him at the council meeting.She most likely would have looked at him with a mixture of aggreement and worry and then she would have comforted him just like she did when he had snapped for the first time.He remembered how she had come to him and told him that his father being in a coma hadnt been his fault.Astrid had always managed to make him feel better and that was one of the reasons why he had loved her so much.He never talked about her since she had died but everyone on Berk knew how much her death crushed him.They had seen how he and Astrid had fallen in love and they knew how deep their love was.Hiccup was just glad that no one had mentioned her in the last few days.. well almost no one.

Hiccups thoughts wandered to the morning of the sea burial were Snotlout had accedentally mentioned Astrid and Tuff.Hiccup had spent the entire morning trying not to think about her but when Snotlout mentioned her everything came back to him.It felt like somebody would press a finger into an open wound in his chest but that apperantly hadnt been anything compared to the pain Ruff had felt. Hiccup rembered how schocked he was when he had looked at her. Ruffs face had gone pale and she started to shiver as if it had suddenly become cold.In this moment Hiccup had somehow forgotton his own pain and all that mattered to his was Ruffs condition.He somehow felt the desire to care for her since had Tuff died not just becuse Ruff was his friend and he felt responisble for Tuffs death but also because he knew that Tuff wanted his sister to be save and happy.Hiccup had learned that on the edge when Tuff had faked his own death so he wouldnt get in the way of Ruffs "Relationship" with Throk.Hiccup had been anoyed but also surprised about Tuffs plan.He had known that the twins cared about each other but he did not think that Tuff would go that far.Hiccup had to admit that no matter how annoying Tuff had been in some moments he had always been loyal and caring.Hiccup missed Tuff and his stupid jokes and he hated himself for not being there to protect him.Hiccup couldn't bring Tuff back to life but he could take over what Tuff had done for so many years:He would make Ruff happy.

A sudden growl ripped him out of his thoughts and back into reality.He had been midlessly walking through the village and hadn't even noticed Topthless landing next to him.The nightfury looked worried like always since the battle.He came to Hiccup and carefully rubbed his head against Hiccups stomach. Hiccup smiled and patted his dragons head."Hey Bud how are you doing?" Hiccup asked softly. Toothless looked at him and growled sadly.Hiccup knew that Toothless wasnt doing well beause he worried for him. Hiccup knew that dragons could be very empathetic especially towards their riders. He imdiatly felt guilty because he hadn't spend much time with Toothless in the last few days.Toothless had followed him anywere of course but Hiccup knew that following him wasnt the same for Toothless as flying with him.Hiccup decided that it was time for a little afternoon flight and he hoped that it would help him to get the memorys of Astrid out of his head.

He saw Ruff as he flew over the forest were he had first met Toothless. The sight of her surprised him but he could tell it was her becuse of the pretty braids that she alaways wore.She was kneeling over a small lake and Hiccup couldn tell if she was crying or not.Worried he landed behind her and asked softly." Ruff are you alright?"She turned her head around in surprise and Hiccup felt a wave of relief when he saw that there were no tears in he eyes.He had been scared that she had another breakdown and made himself ready to hold her again. But fortunatly she seemed fine as fine as she could be without her brother."Im fine but what are you doing her Hiccup? shouldn't you be at the boring council meeting?" Ruff asked confused.Hiccup couldt help but smile. Ruffs question made him remember his outburst and that if he hadnt said anything he would have been in the great hall until midnight."Lets just say it wasnt as boring as always." He said and was happy to hear a tone of his old sass in his voice. Ruff raised her eyebrows but apperantly decided to not question him about it. This made Hiccups smile vanish as he realuzed that the old Ruff would have propably bombarded him with questions.

"And what are you doing here?" he asked partly because he was courious and partly because he wanted interrupt the akward silence between them."Mom forced me to go outside because she dosent want me to stay in my bed for another week."Ruff sighed and looked a little bit anoyed.Hiccup however was thankful for Ruffs mother because he had tried to take Ruff outside the whole week.That was the other thing he had done when he wasnt working or attending meetings. He had visited Ruff every day and comforted her while trying to convince her to go outside.But Ruff was a very stuborn person and so she very often got angry at him for trying to make her get up.He had given up at the end becuase he hated to argue wih her and he accepted the fact that he wouldn't see Ruff outside for a long time.He really was wondering how her mother had managed to get her out of bed."And is it that bad to be here?" He asked hoping that he hadn't said something wrong.Ruff shook her head and replied:"No, It's actually quite beautiful it remids me of the time when I was here with Tuff."Hiccup couldnt quite grasp what she had said and when he did he was very confused. Not at the fact that the twins had been here but at the fact that Ruff could say Tuffs name so easily.She had started to talk about him with Hiccup but it was always him that started those conversations.

Ruff seemed to read his thoughts because she said sadly."I want to talk about him Hiccup. It really hurts me to say his name but don't want to spend my whole life with barely talking about my twinbrother."

Toothless seemed to feel her sadness because he came to her and nudged her gently.Ruff managed a little smile as she started to pat Toothless head.Hiccup admired that Ruff wanted to talk about Tuff even tho it hurt her. "So what excatly were Tuff and you doing here?" He asked trying to sound casual. He wanted to help Ruff with her desire to talk about Tuff and he also felt the desire to talk about him. Ruff was concentraiting on patting Toothless and was silent for a few seconds. Then she finaly replied:,,We were fighting. Its alot easyer to wrestle in a forest without any people you can roll into."Hiccup felt temped to laugh.He remembered all the times that he had to keep the twins fom atacking each other and the times he saw them lying on the ground in a knot." Im guessing there wasnt a reason for those fights?"He asked a little nervously because he didnt know how much Ruff actually wanted to stay on this topic."Nope it was just for fun and one time because I accedantly touched his mace." Ruffs voice was very soft and Hiccup felt spark of hope that maybe they would be able to talk about Tuff longer than just a few minutes.

"Tuff really loved that mace.I still remember how upset he was when it got destroyed."Hiccup said thinking about how Ruff had dragged Tuff into his hut on dragonsedge and how Tuff begged him to fix her. It had been a very weird moment that Tuff and he had often joked about. "Yea Tuff had a strange affection towards objects and.. chicken."Ruff replied and Hiccup felt a wave of joy as he heard a tone of amusemend in her voice.

She stopped patting Toothless and looked at him in a mixture of amusemend and sadness." You know sometimes I wish we could go back." Ruff said and there was something melangolic in her voice. Hiccup knew that she wasnt talking about the edge. "yea me too,I would do anything to talk to Astrid and Tuff one more tme."He replied thinking about all the evenings they had sat together in the clubhouse joking and laughing.Sure the time on the edge also hadnt always been easy. They had fought two wars first against Viggo and then against Krogan and Johan. But between those wars Hiccup had loved every second because he felt closer to his friends.The time on the edge had brought them all close together before they were ripped apart forever.

He sat down on the ground and Ruff joined him.The memorys of the edge made his grief about Astrids death return and it almost felt like he was about to get crushed by it.Hiccup had thought they would be ready to talk about their loved ones but they clearly werent.Ruff suddenly leaned herself on his shoulder but he didnt resist.Toothless lay down besides them so he touched their backs. The dragon knew that he couldn't cheer Ruff and Hiccup up so wanted to atleast give them comfort.

"You know when I was younger I always wanted to be alone."Ruff said after a while and all the amusement in her voice had vanished. Hiccup didnt know what to say to that. He hoped that Ruff wouldnt say that she felt guilty because of Tuffs death. He alone was responsible for that and no one else. "One time when I was six I actually even prayed to the goods to make Tuff dissapear." Ruff countinued and her voice was slightly trembling now. Hiccup looked at her and saw that her blue eyes were shimering." Ruff-" He tried to stop her but she continued."On the edge I once thought back to this and it seemed pretty stupid to me. I loved Tuff and he loved me. I couldnt understand why I ever wanted him to dissapear and was glad that the goods had'nt answered my prayers"She paused for a moment and a single tear rolled down her cheek."Turns out they finaly did."

she started to cry and Hiccups heart seemed to break.This wasnt supposed to happen he thought. He was supossed to comfort Ruff but instead he had brought up a conversation he knew would upset her. Guilt washed over himbut also anger. He put a hand under Ruffs chin and moved her head so that she looked at him. "Ruff thats nonsense Tuffs death had nothing to do with you and especially not with some wish you had when you were six.Tuff got killed in a battle and Im sure that if you would have gotten the chanche you would have saved him."Ruff managed a laugh between her sobbs. " So you are allowed to blame yourself but Im not?" Hiccup had admit that she had a point.How could he tell her to not blame herself when he blamed himself in the same moment.The answer came into his mind imdiatly.He took Ruffs hand and said:"No,you are not. You have no reason to feel guilty but I do. I fail everyone. I failed my father. I failed Tuff and Astrid and now Im even failing you."Hiccup felt a lump forming in his throat as he said those words but he knew that they were the truth.He kept messing up everything and the people he loved had to pay the prize for it.

He couldnt look at Ruff anymore and let go o her hand. But Ruff took it again and said defiantly." Why do you always believe that you let people down?Your father died because of a psychopathic maniac who wanted to rule the world and you did your best to protect us all during the battle. You had nothing to do with those deaths so stop beating yourself up about it!"Hiccup felt a wave of greatfullnes for Ruff rising in his heart.Her words really reminded him of the way Astrid used to comfort him after he thought he had done something wrong.Deep down Hiccup couldnt believe her words but he still felt comforted.

He looked at her again and managed a smile."Thanks Ruff. I was actually planing to comfort you but it seems like you are doing a better job with comforting me."He said and Ruff rolled her eyes. " Hiccup what are you talking about? I don't know how I would have survived the last week without you!"Hiccup remembered all the times he had visited Ruff and how he held her during her mental breakdowns. He wanted to think that she was right but what had happened today made him doubtful."Im sure Snotlout and Fishlegs are great at comforting you too and they dont countinue to talk about something that hurts you."He didnt knew how much truth there was to this. He hadn´t seen Fishlegs and Snotlout for days but he assumed that they were visiting Ruff too."They are good at it but not as good as you." Ruff said quished his hand tiedly. " Why?" Hiccup asked confused. Ruff waited long for her answer. " Because you are going through the same pain as I am and that..makes me feel connected to you. I feel comforted by Snotlout and Fishlegs but with you... I feel save." Was it Hiccups imagination or was Ruff plushing.He suddenly felt a lttle bit dizzy himsel but he tried to ignore the feeling. He was surprised that Ruff prevered him over Fishlegs and Snotlout but he had to admit that he felt the same way.He had always liked Ruff of course but since they both had lost the most important person in their lifes he felt closer to her."

You are right. Thanks. I feel the same way about you and thats why I feel terrible if I can't make you happy ."He said softly and started to wipe her tears away. Deep down he still felt guilty but Ruffs words somehow made it better. They were like a medicine for all the pain in his heart a slow but working medecine.

Ruff wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her head against his chest."I know this is gonna sound weird but I think that with your help Im going to be happy very soon."Hiccup felt joy rising in him and he began to gently stroke her hair. All the guilt had made him blind but now he rembered his promise he had made Ruff at the sea burial.They would go through this together and if Ruff was so close to being happy he would gladly help her no matter how much he doubted himself."Good and I think if youre happy it will cheer me up alot."He said even tho he had no idea if he could ever be happy again without Astrid but he was sick of talking about sad things. 

He suddenly realized that the sun was starting to sink apperantly they had talked alot. If they hurried they would just arrive in time for supper in the great hall but Hiccup didn't feel hungry.He suddenly had an idea but he wasn't sure if Ruff was in the mood for it."Its getting late. Do you want to take an evening flight with me before I bring you to your home?" He asked carefuly and wa reliefed when Ruff looked at him with an amused expression."Of course. I really missed dragonriding."Hiccup felt really bad for her. He knew that she would never be able to ride Barf again without Tuff being with her.He asked himself if she would ever ride a dragon by herself again.

They stood up and toothless who had fallen asleep began to wake up.The nightfury looked at the two of them and was surprised when he felt that the feelings sourounding Hiccup and Ruffnut had changed. Before he had fallen asleep he could tell that they were in deep sorrow but now they seemed almost happy. Toothless was glad that his rider and his friend were getting better. Hiccup sat on Toothless and moved a little bit forward so that Ruff could sit comfortably.Ruff sat behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist for balance.

For some reason the whole situation reminded him of the time he had flown with Astrid on toothless for the first time.Of course the diffrence was that Astrid had been his crush at the time and now he felt nothing romantic for Ruff.Or did he? His heart suddenly pounded against his chest and he suddenly felt like it was very hot.He felf Ruffs arms around his waist an a part of him wished they would stay there forever. They flew towards the sky and over the small forest but Hiccup couldn't shake away the feeling. What was he doing? Astrid had only died a week ago and he was already falling for someone else.How could he be so unloyal after all Astrid and he had been through? He felt asschamed of himself but that didn't made the feeling go away.He knew that it was wrong on so many levels to fall in love with Ruff but his heart apperantly did'nt care about that.

"So what happened at the council meeting?" Ruffs question ripped Hiccup out of the deep thought process that he had been in." What?" He asked and felt pretty stupid because he hadnt listened." What happened on the council meeting I want to know every detail." Ruff repeated amused. Hiccup was happy because Ruffs curious side seemed to come back but also because her question distracted him from his pounding heart and his thoughts.He told her everything and when he was finished Ruff burst into laughter. "I would have loved to see Spitelouts face when you left!" Hiccup had to laugh and replied:"I can tell that he looked more shocked than the time were you and Tuff placed a few fireworms on his seat in the great hall." Great." Ruff replied and there was a tone of angry satysfaction in her voice.

It was already dark ehen Hiccup flew Ruff to her house.On one hand he was sad because he really enjoyed to fly with her on the other hand he wasnt sure how much longer it would have taken Ruff to notice his sweeting and his pounding heart.When they had landed and Ruff let go of his waist he felt a mixture of sadness and relief in his stomach.His heart ached when he got of Toothless but he ignored it.He didnt want to feel what he felt because it felt like he was betraying Astrid.Ruff turned to him and said softly." Thank you for today Hiccup. It really helped t talk with you." Hiccup smiled and replied:"No problem Ruff you know I will always be there for you if you need me."He hadnt planned on saying that but unforunatly his mouth was faster than his brain.Why couldn't he control himself all of the sudden.Ruff hugged him tiedly and Hiccups heart seemed to dance out of joy.He pulled her closer and realized that the strong sent of fishoil wasnt bothering him." Thank you so much Hiccup for .. for anything."She departed from him and Hiccup felt like he was seeing her for the first time.Her eyes had a beautiful blue tone and her pale blond braids really were exocit and pretty. Hiccup slapped himself in his thoughts. What was wrong with him? " Well, Good night Hiccup. Ruff said and Hiccup wondered why she hadnt noticed him starring at her for one minute."Good Night."He managed to say and Ruff went inside. 

Hiccup sighed in relive once the door was closed.He had no idea why he suddenly started to have feelings for Ruff.She had been his best friend since they were fiveteen and he never had feelings for her.But back then it had been a different situation. Maybe it was their constant sharing of their grief that woke these feelings or Maybe it was his desire to care for her.Whatever caused those feelings they needed to stop.He did'nt want to love another girl after the long relationship he and Astrid had.It would feel like cheating on her even tho she was dead.He also didnt want to take adventage of Ruff who had just lost her twinbrother. He needed to help her recover and nothing else. Hiccup sat on toothless and flew to his own house. On his way he remembered how Ruff had said that she felt save him and how her reasurence reminded him of the way Astrid had always reasured him.He tried to deny the truth but when he landed infront of his house he couldnt deny it anymore: He had fallen in love with Ruffnut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi,so Ruffcup is finaly rising but I also wanted to let Hiccup feel guilty because of Astrid. I hope you liked it. 
> 
> Ps: This time I would like get some tips on what I can do better so I can improve my writing :D 
> 
> See you at the next chapter!


	5. Lost conection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruff is scared of loosing her conection to Hiccup because of her feelings.

Ruff was used to the pitiful looks of the Berkians but not to their whispering. She heard them every time that she walked through Berk.The people were whispering with their hands infront of their mouths but she understood every word.They asked each other were she was going and what she did in her freetime now that she dint do pranks anymore. Those were the pleasant whispers that Ruff could just ignore but there were others.Others that talked about how strange it was to see her without Tuff and that she had been so different before his death.Ruff tried to just walk past those people but she couldnt because the whispers reminded her of Tuffs last words.He had pleeded her to not change but she knew that she did.The humorful woman that had loved to flirt and do pranks died with her twin.She still joked of course but not as much as she used to.She was more serious now and her crush on Eret now seemed stupid to her.He wasnt intersted in her and she felt bad for bothering him for so long.She didn't want to change but she did and the whispers were a painful reminder of that.Today they were especially worse for some reason

"Its been a month since the battle and she still barely smiles." "What did you expect? She lost her twinbrother! Its a wonder that she is even able to smile." " Yes. I its a real shame. Remember how happy their mother was whem they were born?" "Yes.Its seems it was only yesterday that I heard her telling everyone in the great hall how beautiful her children are and that they will be conected until the end of their lifes." "I guess that connection wasnt strong enough to protect her son from a sword." " Shut up! dont say such things infront of his sister"

She tried to block the whispers out but they seemed burn themselves into her brain.She felt anger boilng up in her veins not just at the vikings she had heard but at fate itself. Tuff and she had been supposed to die together.Her twin conection to Tuff had always told her that and she had trusted it because it never dissapointed her.She had felt this strong bond with her brother since she her birth.They had called it twintuition and even tho none of their friends believed it exisced Ruff knew that it had.It was thanks to this bond that she had always know what her brother was thinking and could tell if there was something wrong with him.Ruff always thought that their bond would keep them together until they died at a very old age.She had never even in her darkest nightmares imagined that it would not only end like this. They were supposed to die together and yet Tuff died alone his last wish being impossible for her to fufil.Ruff had told Hiccup three weeks ago that she would be happy soon but it were thoughts like this that made her doubt that statement.Hiccup was a great help of course but suffering a great loss isnt something you get over in a few months. In some moments Ruff felt like she had finaly accepted Tuffs death but in other ones she broke down because she had thought about his smile.She just wanted this awful pain she felt to be finaly over but she knew that it would take months if not years and the conversations of the Berkians that she weren't helping.

She began to walk faster until she couldnt hear their words anymore.She only got slower when she arrived at Hiccups house were he had summoned her and the other riders to.

She felt a wave of relife when she walked to the front door.She had often visited Hiccup in the last three weeks and everytime when had she left was in a better mood than when she had arrived.Ruff loved to talk with him about her grief because it was good to share her pain with someone who was goig through the same.The conection that they had couldnt replace the one she had with Tuff but it stil was a very strong one.There were days on which she almost drowned in her sorrow but being with Hiccup gave her hope that maybe everything would be okay someday.

The door was emmidiately swung open after she had knocked but it wasnt Hiccup who opened it.

"Hey,Ruff how are you?" Snotlout asked and like always since the battle there was a careful tone in his voice as if he was afraid he coud say something wrong.Ruff found his carefulness unecassarry. They had been friends for a long time and she knew that he would never intentionally hurt her. Snotlout always acted as if one wrong word woud break her and it was this carefulness that often stood in the way of his attempts to comfort her. Ruff had to admit that she was glad that Snotlout had stopped flirting with her because she could not concentrate on a her love life right now.

But sometimes she missed his old personality.He wasnt his stupid loud self anymore. Instead he had become a quiet and very depressed person.Ruff knew that he would never admit it but she knew that he always flew to a quiet place in the forest were he cried about his lost best friends. She had seen him once but choose not to disturb him because he was very uncomfortable with showing his feelings to others."Im fine Snotlout were are Hiccup and Fishlegs?" She asked couriously and Snotlout actually did something his old self had always done: He rolled his eyes. " Yeah they are geeking out over some plans for a new invention or something." Snotlout sounded very anoyed and Ruff couldnt help but smile.It made her happy that some of Snotlouts old personality traits were still there and se was glad that Hiccup and Fishhlegs still were able to geek out in such hard times.They had all changed since the battle but Ruff suddenly was hopeful that maybe someday everything would be normal again.

She followed Snotlout into the living room were Hiccup and Fishlegs were kneeling over over some papers."Hey guys. What have you got there?"She asked and Fishlegs and Hiccup turned their heads towards them.Ruff felt a warm feeling in her heard when she saw Hiccups smile. It wasnt a romantic feeling of course. She just really liked his smile.

"Just a few ideas for a dragonscale armor."Fishlegs said in excitemend ad Ruff felt a little stab in her heart.Whatever this dragonscale armor was she would never wear it because she could not ride her dragon anymore. Everytime that she went to the arena were Barf and Belch were living now she only had to look at thhem once to feel a new break down rsing inside her.Too many memories of the dragon were conected to Tuff.

Ruff hated to think about it but this technecally meant that she wasnt a dragonrider anymore.

Hiccup seemed to see her sadness because he said:" We will make one for you too dont worry."Ruff was greatful for Hiccups words and looked at the plans. She had to admit that the armors looked pretty cool and she could regignize any dragonspecies that the scales came from because of their design.She knew that the really big one belonged to Fishlegs and and the one with the wide shoulder blades hat to belong to Snotlout."Wow they really look impressive." She admitted smiling.Ruff suddenly wondered if the battle would have ended differently if they had had that armor.She guessed that this was the reason why Hiccup made them: he never wanted to loose someone he loved again. "Yes they look awesome. would have been great to have them earlier." Snotlout put her thoughts into words. Hiccup looked very guilty and Ruff emmidiately felt the urge to defend him."Yes but better late than never." Ruff said and Hiccup smiled at her greatfuly.

But then he suddenly looked uncomfortable and his smile vanished.Did she say something wrong? She had noticed Hiccup looking at her like this sometimes but she always thought it was because of Tuff.Now she wasnt sure anymore but she had no idea what else it could be.

"It was so much fun to design those armors I can't wait to try mine on." Fishlegs extitement really seemed to be out of place but Ruff was thankful for it because it distracted her from her thoughts."I don't think you need one Fishlegs. You don't belong on a battlefield. "Snotlouts words were harsh but his expression was worried. Ruff knew that Snotlout did not want to insult Fishlegs he wanted to protect him by keeping him awayy from fights that could end his life."Come on Snotlout we fough hundreds of battles together and I'am still alive and besides do you really expect me to just sit in the great hall while you are risking your life?" Fishlegs cheerfulness had vanished and now his voice was full of anger.Snotlout sighed and looked away."No,I know that none of us will leave each others side during a battle ever again but.. but I'm just..." Snotlout stoped whatever he had wanted to say but Fishlegs finished his sentence."Scared that you have to loose another friend."

Ruff felt her stomach turn and her heart aching. She had never really thought about new battles and what could happen in them but now that Snotlout and Fishlegs had mentioned it she felt paralyzing fear that was crawling slowly into her mind. She didn't want to but she began to imagine herself on a bloodied battlefield wit her friends corpses around her and nothing she could do to save them.Ruff saw in the worried expressions of the boys that they were imagening the same thing.Hiccups eyes were full of agony and Ruff wished she could make it dissapear but unfortunatly she wasn't Astrid.All the good mood that had been in the room vanished. Instead their was a thick silence that none of them seemed eager to break.

" I won't let that happen." Hiccups voice finaly broke the silence and Ruff winced at the pain that was in it. He looked at them and his green eyes were full of grief but also defiance."I won't fail to protect a person I love ever again and if we ever have to fight again I will protect you guys even if its the last thing I do!" Ruff felt deep love for Hiccup rising inside her.Hiccup hadn't showed it often in the past but she knew that he loved his fellow riders deeply.He was their leader and because of that he felt responisble for them.She saw that in the way he comforted her and promised her that they would go through their grief together. Ruff couldnt resist. She went over to him and lay a hand on his shoulder."We know Hiccup and I think Snotlout and Fishlegs will aggree with me when I say that we will do our best keep you alive too even tho you are very good at atracting trouble."She said softly and looked promting to Fishlegs and Snotlout.Ruff suddenly felt reminded of the way Astrid had always comforted Hiccup. She had also looked at them promting them to join her with comforting Hiccup. Ruff somehow felt proud that she was now taking over that task. She knew that she never would be as good as Astrid but somebody had to be there for him or he would drown himself in his toughts.

" Yes we are a team and we will stay together no matter what else happens." Fishlegs said determend and Snotlout nodded in agreement.He still looked worried but he seemed to realize that arguing with any of them was pointless.They all wanted to keep each other safe and no one not even on of their own would keep them from that.Ruff was happy when she saw that Hiccup was smiling at them softly." Thanks guys I dont know what I would do without you!" Ruff put an pated his shoulder and replied grinning."I return that statement greatfuly back to you chief.Hiccup smiled at her but then the uncomfortable look she had seen ealier came back.She wanted to ask him what was wrong but then Fishlegs wrapped his big arms around her and Hiccup while Snotlout akwardly hugged them from the front.Ruff was confsed because Hiccup just stood there motionless for a few seconds but then he finaly wrapped an arm around her waiste and pulled her closer to him.She didnt know why but she loved the feeling of his arms around her waist probalby because she had been held by him so often.But the longer they stood their in their group hug the more Ruff started to doubt that reason. Her heart ached at the thought of him letting her go and she suddenly wished that they were alone.She never had felt that way all the other times did she? No, of course not! Sure she loved Hiccup for making her feel safe but that wasnt a romantic feeling. It was just greatfulness nothing else.

It wasnt greatfulness that she felt. It only took her a few moments to realize that. Her heart was pounding wiedly and she loved the feeling of Hiccups body being pressed against hers. Ruff hoped that Hiccup wouldnt notice anything but a part of her did not care about that.This part loved to be close to him and screamed at her to get closer.She tried to find excuses for her feelings but unfortunatly they were very familiar: It were the same ones that she had felt for Eret. 

Ruff knew that it was wrong. She couldnt fall in love with a man who had just lost the love of his life not to mention that she had been her best friend.Ruff couldnt understand that after five years in which she had no romantic feelings towards him she suddenly did. It felt like she was betraying Astrid even tho she was dead.She and Hiccup had been through so much together. Their love had been build over years and Ruffs feelings just came out of nowere.They werent and couldnt be real and they needed to end now.She wanted to stop the thoughts that imagined Hiccup and her being alone .. kissing each other but she couldn't.Ruff needed to get out of his arms before she lost controll over her body completly.

When the boys finaly departed from her Ruff almost sighed in relief.Hiccup luckily did not seem to have noticed something because he was smiling at her.She tried act normal even tho she felt the desire to hug him again."So now that our emotional group hug is over could we do something less depressing like talking about those dragonarmors?"Ruff asked hoping that no one saw her hands shaiking nervously."Yeah great idea." Hiccup said and Ruff thought for a moment that she had heard relief in his voice.

Nothing special happened in the next hours and Ruff almost managed to distract herself from her feelings. She hoped that she had just imagined them but her pounding heart told her otherwise.Luckily she did not have to look at Hiccup all the time because she was drawing her dragonarmor but when she did her mind wnt back to all the times he had held her and her body longed to be in his arms again. When Snotlout and Fishlegs anounced that they had to go to their jobs Ruff felt a mixture of panic and excitement rising in her Stomach.On one hand she could hugg him again without him suspecting anything but oon the other she had no idea what her body would do then.There were already images in the back of her mind of her hands strocking through Hiccups hair while his hands were... NO! She stopped herself in her thoughts and quickly said goodbye to Snotlout and Fishlegs as they were almost out of the door.

"So.. what do you want to do?" Hiccups voice sounded nervous and she asked herself in horror if he had noticed her weird behavior." I.. I don't know your decision." Ruff said and she hated how weak her voice sounded. The truth was that her heart knew excatly what she wanted to do but she doubted that Hiccup woud like it." We.. We could go to the lake were we were three weeks ago." Hiccup suggested and his voice sounded like it always did when he was planing a very dangerous dragonrider mission.He had noticed somethinng Ruff was sure of it and her stomach turned to ice. What else were his uncomfortable glances suppossed to mean? She knew that he still felt guilty about Tuffs death but if it was that he would talk with her about it.

She had no idea why Hiccup was still talking to her.He had comforted her for three weeks even tho he was griefving himself and now she was making him feel uncomfortable.Ruff slowly realized the reason and it made everything even worse. Hiccup knew what she felt but he tried to ignored it either because of the promise he made her or because he did not want to hurt her.Ruff knew that Hiccup would never tel her to leave and thats why she decided that she needed to do it herself. It made her heart burst with guilt but she could not spend a day with him knowing that he knew and imagening how it would be if he kissed her.

"Oh! sorry Hiccup I just remember that mom wants to spend some time with me today. Im so sorry." Ruff was glad that the regretfulness that she felt had made its way into her voice.Ruff nervously looked at Hiccup and.. was sure that she had seen a quick spark of relief in his eyes.Her heart seemed to break in half but she tried to stay calm. "Its alright Ruff well met each other in the great hall anyway."His voice was soft and gentle as always but Ruff knew that he hid fear under them. Fear of having to reject and hurt her.

"Yea see you later." She said while leaving and ressissted the urge to look at him one more time.

Ruff had hoped that the fresh air would help her to get a clearer head.. it did'nt. Her mind was racing and her was torn appart by guilt and sadness. Ruff hated herself for lying to Hiccup and for falling in love with him.Why did she have to ruin her friendship with the only person that was able to make her feel better? Why did she want to kiss a man knowing the remains of her best friends kisses were still on his lipps.If it wasnt' Hiccup she would have been happy because it meant that she hadnt changed completly but it was him and so she felt horrible. Of course she had flirted with him before but just for fun and because it was funny to anoy him. She had never thought about them being a thing because Astrid had always seemed to be with him. Was that it? Was it Astrids death that had woken these feelings. The thought struck her like a dragons talon and caused her to stop. Was she that horrible that her feelings for her best friend were set free after his girlfriends death?

No. Ruff was sure that she would never had felt something for Hiccup even if Astrid had'nt existed.It was this whole situation and Hiccups comfort that had caused them.She never had been loved that much in her life. Her mother loved her of course and her friends did too but But all other people on Berk had always acted cold and distgusted towards her.That was why her connection to Tuff had been so strong because her twin always had been able to distract her from the angry looks of the adults and their mean insults that they shouted when Tuff and she had pranked them for fun.After Tuffs death they had gotten niecer but Ruff knew that it was just out of pity.She hated how they talked about Tuff as if they really cared for them and that was why Hiccups comfort meant so much to her. Because she knew that he really cared about her and like with Tuff she felt a strong conection between them

..well there had been one until she ruined it.Ruff could not imagine that Hiccup would start be cruel to her just because she loved him but she was sure that after a few weeks he would distance himself from her.She could not stop loving him and he would never love her. He would know that they could not go on like they had for weeks but he wouldn't want to upset her. Instead he would try to avoid her so that he would not have to hurt her. But unfortunatly he already was. Ruff couldnt imagine to live in a world without Hiccups comforting words and his soft smile.

Ruff suddenly realized that her stepps had let her out of the village and into the forest. Her thoughts emediatly returned to the day at the lake.Everythin had seemed so perfect back then.Hiccup had comforted her and she comforted him.They had talked about their guilt and told each other that everything would be okay soon.They had been so close and now it was all ruined.Hiccup might act like eveything was normal for a few more weeks and then it would begin.Her heart was full of fear and regret. She was about to loose her best friend just because of her love for him.Ruffs heart wanted his love and her mind could do nothing to stop it .

She wanted to hear his sweet voice whispering into her ear and she wanted to look into his beautiful green eyes.She yelled in frustration at her thoughts and cleched her hands to fists.Why couldnt she just love Snotlout or Fishlegs? They actually wanted her and she wouldnt betray anyone if she loved them. But she just couldnt think the same way about them as about Hiccup.They had comforted her too of course but she had a conection wit Hiccup that reminded her so much of the one wth her twinbrother.Ruff felt tears forming in her eyes but she knew were she could go for comfort.

The cave still smellt like him.Tuff had had the same sent of foul eggs and rotten fish atached to him and because it was so strong it still was here: in their secret hide out that always been a place of comfort for then whenever they were upset.Ruff still remembered how Tuff had dragged her into this cave for the first time when they were ten. His eyes had gleemed with such excitement that Ruff thought he stole Stoicks axe.

"Its amazig isnt it? I found it on my own!" Tuff had said proud that for once he had acomplished something without Ruff supporting him." Yea.I could use it to get a break from those mean adults and.. from you." Ruff laughed and Tuff punched her in her arm. " Hey what did I ever do to you?!" Tuff had yelled offended."You are always coming into my bed and wake me by hugging me." Ruff said with false anger. Of course she had had nothing against Tuff cuddelling with her at night because she had known how scared he was of the dark."You know Im scared of the dark and atleast I dont put distgusting fishoil in my hair!" Ruff had answered with a scream and soon they were wrestling on the ground.They had laughed. They had been happy.

Ruffs fingers gently stroked the cave wall and she felt like she coud hear their younger selfs laughing in joy.Bitter tears fell down her cheeks and she sank against the cave wall. What she would give to go back. Back to the time were Tuff had been alife and Hiccup was nothing more than a very good friend to her.

Ruff crossed her arms and dug her fingernails into her arms. She had really hoped that she could be happy again. Hiccup had helped her so much and she really felt better but no everything fell to pieces.She had fallen for the person that made her feel better and was about to loose him because of it. Hiccup would never love her he had loved Astrid and would love no one else.

A sobb escaped her lipps and soon more followed.She asked herself what Tuff would say if she could tell him about her feelings for Hiccup.She was sure that he would laugh for atleast five minutes.Then he would either make a stupid joke or tell her to just tell him. He would smile at her and say that she had surveved worse than a stupid love confession.Ruff laughed between her sobbs as she imagined Tuff telling her this while he tried to contain his laughter.She decided that it would be better to confess her love to Hiccup this evening. She knew that he would say no but atleast he would not have to rejecte her out of now were . Maybe that could safe their friendship and they could act as if nothing had happened.Ruff knew that her heart would not maje it that easy but she did not care about that right now. What she cared about was saving the strong connection  
between Hiccup and her before it vanished like the other connection with Tuff had.

The great hall was overcrouded as always. Ruff walked to her friends table and ignored the eyes that were aimed at her.Nothing had changed it was a normall evening. uff was able to convince herself of that until she saw him.Hiccup was involved into a deep disscussion with Eret and his soft smile let her heart jump into her throat.Ruff looked away quickly and sat down next to Snotlout who was listening surprisingly interested to one of Fishlegs lectures about healing plants which he knew much about beacause of his job as Gothis assisstent."Hey Ruff did you that you can numb your pain with peppermint."Snotlout said and sounded very proud of himself."No Snotlout pepperment is for stomach aches and oppioum poppy is for numbing pain I told you this three times." Fishlegs replied anoyed but also amused.Ruff forced a laugh and countinued to listen to her friends banthering over what plants are used for what disease.She did not care for plants but listening to them helped her to forget what she had to do after dinner.

Her eyes landed on Hiccup a few times but luckily he did not talk to her. He smiled at her when he noticed it and Ruff emediatley felt a wave of joy washing over her."He doesn't love you and he never will ." The reasonable part of her said but her feelings did not listen.She wanted to sit next him and talk about her day like she normaly did but she knew that she had to make he confession first.

Ruff normally was a very quick eater but today she was still eating when everyone else was finished.She wanted to put of her confession to Hiccup as long as possible.She suddenly wasnt so sure if she could do it. What if she missinterpreted his behaviour and he had no idea that she loved hm? What if he started to blame himself because he had not talked with her about it? All those questons kept her from finishing her dinner and luckily no one noticed anything.Fishlegs and Snotlout left early because they wanted to start making their dragon armor at Fishlegs house.Ruff would have loved to join them to escape her plan but she couldnt. Hiccup needed to reject her so that their friendship would be saved.

When more groups Vikings began to leave Ruffs stomach ached with panic.She decided that she needed to do it now. She left the last piece of yak meat on her plate and stood up.Hiccup was already on his way out and he was still talking to Eret.Ruff suddenly smiled because she realized that her ex crush and her new on were talking to each other."Hiccup wait!" Ruff said desperatly and hurried over to them. Hiccup turned around and Ruff was surprised when she saw guilt in his eyes."Hey Ruff what is it?" He asked calmly and Ruff wished she could read his thoughts."Can we talk" She asked and felt her hands trembling nervously.Hiccup looked worried for a few seconds but then he nodded."Of course we can come on lets go to the harbor." He said and Ruff could hear the worry in his voice. Was he afraid that she would have another breakdown or was he afraid that he would have to break her heart? Ruff wasnt sure but she knew that she defenately wasnt in the mood for a mental break down.

They were silent until they had reached the harbor.It was a stormy night. Thunder and lighting seemed to shake the earth.Perfect weather for an argument Ruff thought fearfully and tried to prepare herself for anything.

"So,what do you want to talk about Ruff?" Hiccups question ripped her out of her thoughts so abrubtly that she walked back a few stepps.She had triedd to prepare herself mentaly but it was like with her break downs: preparation was pointless.How was she supossed to do this? She had never confessed her love to someone and Hiccup wasn't just someone: He was her chief.She opened her mouth but no words came out."Is it about Tuff?"His voice was soft and his eyes were full of worry. He came closer as if he was ready to hold her again and her heart longed for it. "No its not." She managed to croack out weakly.Hiccup pursed his lipps and she could tell that he was nervous.he needed to say something before he did."Ruff I dont know-"

"Its okay Hiccup I know you don't love me."Ruff said quickly to interrupt whatever Hiccup had wanted ro say.It hurt to say those words but she knew that they were true.Hiccup just stood there for a few seconds and then looked like somebody had punched him in the face."Ruff what-" "Hiccup you dont have to lie to me. I saw how uncomfortable you looked at me when we were in your house.You know I love you and you are afraid of hurting me but its alright.Its not your fault that I love you and I know that Astrid will be the only woman in your life." Hiccup lowered his head and Ruff was afraid that she had said something wrong.What else had she been suppossed do do? It would have come out sooner or later and it wasnt Hiccups fault anyway so why did he look so guilty. "I dont want our friendship to end just because of my stupid feelings and I will try to repress them I promise."A dagger stabbed her heart with every word but she knew that they were the only way to save her friendship with him.She wanted to be loved by him but that would never happen.So everything had to return to the point were her feelings for Hiccup never excisted. It would be painful of course but she someday would get over it.Hiccups silence started to worry her. He just stood there and looked like he wanted to say something but he didn't."Hiccup would you say something please?" She pleaded because the silence was slowly driving her insane."I..I..have messed up everything."

Now it was Ruffs turn to be shocked. What was that suppossed to mean?

"Hiccup you have nothing to do with this I fell in love with you.Lets just act like nothing happened alright?" She said despretaly. This was not going as planned but she had no idea why. Shouldn't Hiccup be happy that she was putting her feelings aside?"Im not uncomfortable because you love me Ruff." Hiccup said slowly and Ruffs head seemed to exploded. A hundret thoughts raced through her mind.What else could Hiccup be uncomfortable about? A thought appeared in the back of her mind. A thought that made her heart pound wih excitement. No that was nonsense Hiccuo couldnt possibly...." What is it then? She asked and her voice was almost a whisper.Hiccup wasnt looking at her and so she could not see what he felt. It was quiet for a moments and then Hiccups voice whispered."I..love you."

Time seemed to have slowed down.A wave of emotions overtook all er senses.Happines, confusion, understanding, sadness,empathy.Suddenly the entire puzzle that she thought she had solved put itself together through Hiccups words and it all made sense.

Hiccup loved her and he felt guilty because of the same reason that she did: Astrid. Hiccup felt like he was betraying his fiance by falling in love with her best friend only a few weeks after her death.Ruff had no idea what to do or to say.She wanted to run away but at the sane time she wanted to hold Hiccup in her arms

Ruff was sad because she knew that Hiccup regreted to be in love with her but she understood it. Hiccup always had loved Astrid and being with someone else propbably felt like cheating on her.Ruff thought she would be happy if Hiccp confessed her love to her but all she felt was sadness and guilt.She suddenly felt an impulse and took his hand.He looked at her and Ruffs heart ached when she saw tears."Hiccup its alright I don't know what is going on with us but remeber what you said to me we are going through this together. You are not cheating on Astrid if you love me but I understad if you dont want to kiss me. Maybe you just need to wait a few months and then well see how your feelings have developed if still love me I will love you but if you dont I will just be your best friend."Ruff normally hated to wait for things but she knew that she could wait for Hiccup.She hoped deep in her heart that he would still love her ut she tried to tell herself that it didnt matter.Hiccup would always be her friend and maybe her feelings would also be gone if she waited a little bit.Hiccup managed a smile and quished her hand."Thanks Ruff but I dont think it will be that easy."

Ruff felt panic gripping her heart."Hiccup-" Evertime that I look at you I have to think about Astrid.I see her in your blue eyes and your blond hair and I hear her in your comforts.I hate myself for it but I dont think we should spet time together in the next weeks.I.. I need to figure out what my feelings mean but I have to do it alone."The panic now streched out and spread through her entire body.Thiss could mot be happening. Hiccup loved her everything was suppossed to be fine but instead she was about to loose him, like she had feared."I know but.. but I need you."Even in her ears those words sounded childish but they were true.She had no idea what she was suppossed to do without Hiccup.What if her grief threatened to drown her again"I know it is going to be hard Ruff but I just dont know what Im suppossed to feel right now and I know that it will make it harder for me to comfort you.I just need a few weeks to think about everything Im sure Snotlout and Fishlegs will take good care of you." Ruff felt angry that Hiccup just wamted to shove her of to other people after all they talked about and all the tears they had shared.

She starred at his beautifull green eyes and wanted to yell at him but instead..she kissed him.

His lipps felt soft on hers and she felt like a lightning bolt had hit her.Electrizity pured throughh her veins and she pressed herself closer to him. It was an amazing feeling and she wished this moment would never end.Hiccup did nit pull back at first.He seemed to enjoy it too because he lay a hand around her waist and pulled her closer.Then suddenly it was over and Hiccup pulled back. Ruff hated the look of regret in his eyes."Ruff I.. I cant to this...goodnight."Hiccup did not even look at her when he quickly walked past her.Ruff made no attempt of stopping him.it wouldnt matter anyway.She could still feel the sent of his lipps on hers and her heart was still pounding.Hiccup kissed her but also decided to avoid her.She had feared that something like this could happen but she did not imagine it to be like this. She felt a spark of hope that maybe Hiccup thinking about his feelings would let to his love for her bu that was just wishfull thinking.She knew deep in her heart that Hiccup would loose his feelings for her and maybe he would decide that being with her again would just wake them again to ruin everything.Ruff was sure that she had lost her best friend,..her crush and the pain nearly killed her.The rain pured down on her and Ruff was glad for it because thid way no one would see her tears.

She did not want to stay here.on this island were half the people did not like her and their chief avoided her because of his guilt. She had to get away fast.

The dragonarena was dark and quiet.A few torches on the walls showed her what she had been looking for:Barf and Belch lay in the middle of the arena.Ruff had been scared thst se would break down at the sight of them but strangely she felt nothing as she approached them.Maybe because what she did was much more concerning than memories about Tuff.She would leave Berk without a word to her mother and friends. She knew how cruel that was but she could not stand being here any longer were everything seemed to go from worse to much worse.She kneeled next her dragon and carefully patted his back.The dragon woke up emmediately.When he saw his rider Barf nugded her joyfuly and Belch soon joined him.They sensed that something was wrong with their rider but they werent surprised.They had also mourned for their dead rider alot and their cheerfullnes wasnt as big as it had been before the battle.Ruff carefuly sat on Barfs sattle and emediately nostalgia gripped her.Her dragon did not even wait for her signal.He flew up over the arena roof and towards the sky Ruff felt the raing being blown into her face but she did not care all she cared about was getting away.

The village was empty because no one wanted to be outside during such a rainy wether.They woukdnt notice that she was missing until the morning.She had to admit that she felt a little bit guilty but it wasnt like she would stay away forever.She just wanted to be alone to think about her feelings like Hiccup would and she would not see the reason for her pain so it was pefect.Soon they shot over the occean Ruff yelled in excitement.She had no idea were she was going but she knew two things.She missed the conection she had with Hiccup already and she wanted to get as far away from him as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would like to hear what you thought about this chapter.


	6. Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiccup searches despretaley for Ruffnut and realizes that he needs her at his side

Hiccup still felt dizzy even after a whole night had passed.To many things had happened in the last night and his mind wasn't able to process it all.He could still feel Ruffnuts pationate kiss on his lipps and even tho he hated it he had to admit that it had been a very good one.It was a strong agressive but also very loving kiss just like Astrids had been. Unfortunatly that had made him convinced of his own decision to distance himself from her.The look on her face as he left her had broken his heart but there was no other way.He had to figure out why he loved her and how he could spend a life with her without feeling guilty because of Astrid.He knew that Ruff wanted to help him but her being close to him would only make his guilt worse than it alrwady was.He told himself that he was doing the right thing but guilty thoughts still found their way into the back of his mind.He remembered how he had promised her that they would go through this together and that him rejecting her defenetly wasnt good for her condition.What if she had another breakdown or worse? Hiccup would never forgive himself if something happened to her but being with her was just to painful right now.

His inner conflict had kept him awake all night and he knew that the next one would'nt be much better.He did not want to eat breakfast in the great hall because then avoiding Ruff would be very difficult.So he had told his mother that he wanted to work on his dragon armor. Luckily she had let him even tho he could tell that she sensed that something was wrong with him.

Now he was kneeling over some of toothless old scales but weirdly his motivation to work was completly gone.His heart ached and his head was empty.This was really weird because normally he always was really motewated during his work. _"Yes and normaly you are kepping your promises."_ Hiccup flinced at his guilts accusement but he knew that it was true.He had always been a very loyal person but what he did last night wasnt loyalty it was cowardness _"I would betray Astrid if I start dating her now!"_ He told himself defiantely but that did not stop the voice of his guilt.

 _"Astrid would want you to be happy and arent you betraying Tuff more by hurting his sister like this?"_ Hiccup groaned and stood up.He knew how egoistic he was he did not need his mind to remind him of that.Guilt was forming a knot in his stomach.He had promised himslf to make Ruff happy but now he was the one who was hurting her the most.He knew that Tuff was watching him from valhalla and Hiccup could almost feel his anger.Hiccup betrayed him just like Ruff and Astrid. He should be there for Ruff just like Tuff would want him to but he had no idea how to do that with the burning guilt that would be egnited everytime he would looke into her blue eyes.

He asked himself how it could have come to this. A month ago his life had been perfect: He had loved Astrid and Ruff had just been a very good friend to him but now? He had failed to protect the love of his life and fell in love again after only one week.He had tried to keep his life together by reminding himself of the promise he made Ruff but now Ruff was the reason everything fell appart.He had always tried to be there for his friends but now he let down one after the other.He suddeny thought about if he should check on Ruff one more time just to make sure she was okay.He wanted to stay away from her but he also did not want to let her down like this.He owed her a long exlonation not some quick rambling like last night.He told himself that that was just his guilt speaking but he knew deep in his heart that he also wanted to be close to her one last time.

He sighed very anoyed.Why couldnt he just stop loving her?

Hiccup just wanted to leave when someone suddenly knocked very violently on his door. Hiccup!,Hiccup!"Hiccup recognized Fishlegs worried voice and immediately felt worried.What had happend now.A new hunter atack?,Spitelout disobeying his orders not to search for the hunters or....

Hiccup quickly swung the door open and the look and Fishlegs face made his worry turn into panic.Fishlegs face was pale and he was slitely trembeling but it was the look of absoulute despair in his eyes that made it clear to Hiccup that somethig horrible was going on."Fishlegs whats wrong?"Hiccup said in his best chief voice.Fishlegs seemed uncomfortable and looked away from him.Hiccuo immediatly felt reminded of the way he had refused to look at Ruff last night. The memory was painful but also made him determend to get Fishlegs answer fastly. "Fishlegs what is going on?" He asked again and gently lay a hand on Fishlegs shoulder. Fishlegs took a deep breath and then said with a voice that sounded like somebody had died.

"Its Ruffnut shes gone."Hiccups heart dropped and his stomach turned to ice.He had known that he messed up but he did not imagine it to be this worse.He had failed another person he loved because he only thought about his own problems.He had wanted to care for her and now she was...gone.The sentence repeated itself in his mind over and over again.Hiccup asked himself fearfuly what sort of gone Fishlegs meant."What do mean? Where is she?"He asked and wasnt able to the panic out of his voice."I dont know. Barf and Belch are gone so she could be everywhere."Fishlegs said sorrowful and Hiccup saw tears forming in Fishlegs green eyes.Guilt seemed to tore Hicccups heart appart.He wanted to think that Ruff was just going for a morning flight bt he knew the truth.Ruff had left Berk possibly forever.She had left her home and her family just because of him.Why hadnt he agreed to let anything be like nothing happened? Why had he pushed away the person that wanted to support him even if she was greving herself?Why did he fail everyone he loved?Defiance suddenly rose in him.He would not loose another peson he loved just like he had promised.He was going to find her no matter what it would take.

"Its going to be okay Fishlegs we will find her."Hiccup said softly but Fishlegs shook his head. "I dont understand it. I.. I thought everything was finaly going to be normal again but now.Maybe we were to quick to believe her smiles and should have known hat her grief would need more time to heal.Maybe I should have been there for her more."Hiccups hated the guilt he heard in his friends voice.Fishlegs had no hand in Ruffs dissappearance that was Hiccups fault and no one elses."No Fishlegs if anyone should have been there for her more it is me but that doesnt matter right now.What matters is that we find her."He felt a little bit bad for not telling Fishlegs that he knew why Ruff had left but he was sure that Fishlegs would react very shocked and even angry and an argument wasnt something they had time for.They needed to find Ruff.

Hiccup flew to the Thorston house first because he hoped that Ruffs mother knew something about her dissapearance.Fishlegs had decided to ask the villagers if any of them had seen her leave.

His heart was racing and the only thing that kept him from freaking out completly was Toothless who from time to time let out a comforting growl which was his way of saying:" Everything is going to be alright."Hiccup was greatful for his dragon and hoped that he was right.

When he arrived at the small house he saw that Snotlout was already there. He was talking to a tall blond haired woman who Hiccup regognized as Ruffs mother.Hiccup suddenly played with the thought of just flyling away.The two of them had not seen him yet and Hiccup feared what Ruffs mother would do if she saw him.The man that had failed to protect her son and the man who failed to stop her daughter from leaving her.He tried to ignore his fear as he landed next to them.

"Hey chief Im assuming you came because of my daughter but like I already told your cousin I know nothing." To Hiccups surprise Bessa Thorstons voice did not sound concerned at all instead she sounded very calm.Snotlout who looked very streessed out seemed to be very confused at this too."Are you not worried about her?"Snotlout asked and Hiccup heard a trace of anger in his voice.He knew how Sntlout felt about parents who did not care about their children."No. Ruffnut is a strong woman who can take care of herself.Im sure she just needs some time alone and then she will return."Her reasurring voice almost made Hiccups concern dissapear..almost. Of course he knew that Ruff had much experience with getting out of trouble but still...there were things that even she could not get out of like storms or.. an armada of hunter ships.

"Why would she need to leave Berk for that?" Snotlout asked reminded Hiccup painfuly that if something happened to Ruff it would be his fault."She just needs a break from all the people here that are constantly talking about her."Hiccup wished he could belive that reason.He had often heard his people talking about Ruff and he also knew how much she hated it.He had often told them that they should stop but even a chief could not stop assumptions and interests from spreding like a fire. It would have been so easy to just accept that she left because of them but Hiccup knew that that was not true. He was the reason and it was his not talking that had caused her to leave.Bessa smiled softly and lay a hand on his back."I know that you feel responsible for Ruff but you dont need to care for her all the time.Im sure she is fine."Her soft voice reminded him of his own mothers and his panic began to shrink.He still felt guilty but maybe this was for the best.He had wanted time without her to figure out his feelings and now he go the chanche to do it.Ruff had been obvoiusly hurt by him but maybe searching for would make it worse. They both needed to stay away from each other, so that they could figure out if they really loved each other and what that meant for their future.It hurt Hiccup deeply but maybe this was nessassary and it was hard to imagine Ruff being in danger.The islands in the archepelago were anything but dangerous and if she would spot any hunterships she would either hide or come back.Hiccup hated himself for it but he started to feel reliefed."Thanks you are right but if you hear anything from her please let me know."He said and hoped that that would happen soo. He was fine with staying away from Ruff but a sign that she was alright would stil help to calm the little part in him that was still worried for her.

"Do you really think that she will come back?" Snotlout asked concerened as they flew back to his house.Hiccup nodded and said more to himself than to Snotlout."Yes I'm sure she will."

She did not.After a week Hiccups worries began to come back and after the second one came a new feeling that was way worse:Desire. He caught himself thinking about her every day and his nights were filled with dreams of her.He wanted to hear her voice talking to him reasuringly and he wanted to see her soft smile.He wanted to hold her to make her pain go away.Because of this feeling Hiccup finaly realized that he could not escape his love for Ruff no matter were she was and that he needed her at his side not just as a friend but as his partner.Unfortunetaly that realization had struck him to late.He waited at the dragonarena or at the harbor everyday and hoped that her Zippelback would appear at the horizon but he didn't.Fishlegs who had blamed himself for her dissappearance often joined him with tears in his eyes.Snotlout did too but instead of crying he insisted that they should search for her before they would loose her forever.Hiccup always managed to calm his cousin but he did not give into his insistance.He wanted to find Ruff too but he was to scared of loosing another loved one to just let them leave Berk.Somehow Ruff leaving Berk also made his grief about Astrids death worse maybe because grief was easyer to deal with if you shared it with someone.Hiccup often dreamed about her death and sometimes her dead corpse in his arms began to change into Ruffs.Her cold blue eyes seemed to bun themselves right into his heart until he woke up screaming and trembeling in fear and sorrow.This was another reason he did not want to search for her:His fear of finding her lifeless body washed up on some islands shore.

When the third week had passed he had enough.

"We have to search for Ruff."He told his mother right after he got out of bed.Valka replied softly."Yes I will tell the great council that we are flying immediately." She looked at him for a moment and then added with sudden amusemend."Honestly Im surprised that you waited so long given how close you two were." Hiccup wondered if Valka suspected something about his feelings and he felt his face turning red." "Well I just thought I needed to give her some time alone but now.." Valka nodded and said safter a few moments of silence."I know you wanted only the best for her I do not blame you for anything." Hiccup felt her words that were suppossed to be comforting stabbing into his heart like needles. The night she left he hadnt thought about what would be the best for her he had only thought about his own problems."You should blame me." He suddenly said even tho he had not want to.It was like all the pain and the guilt that had doubled itself since Ruff had left finaly wanted to break out of him.Valkas expression turned to a mixture of concern and worry."What do you mean?" she asked and the words stated to flut out of his mouth like a waterfall.He told her about Ruffs feelings for him and his feelings for her.He told her about the guilt he felt because of Astrid and how it had led to him reject Ruffs offer to let everything be normal again.When he came to the point were Ruff had kissed him his voice began to tremble.He tried to countinue but all he managed to say was:"I left her." Then he started to cry.

Tears were falling down his cheeks and he quickly looked away so his mother would not see them.He was sure that she was angry at him for hurting someone like this but suddenly he found himself in her embrace."It is not your fault.Your guilt is completly understandeble maybe you shouldnt have reject her offer but it is how it is."Her voice was so warm and full of empathy that it somehow made Hiccup feel little bit better. "I know it was wrong but I was so scared of betraying Astrid." He said his voice full of regret."I know its oky Hiccup.I dont know if this will make you feel better but Im sure Astrid isnt angry at you." Hiccup couldnt believe what his moter was saying.Astrid had been a very spirited person and that was without him falling in love again after her death."I fell in love only three weeks after her death." He said sorroful and remembered how he always told Astrid tat he could not imagine to love a another woman."Did your love for Ruffnut make you happy ?" The question of his mother really seemed out of place when Hiccup cosidered all the pain that his love for Ruff had brought him. He almost wanted to replie with a no but then he remembered the day at the lake.He remembered how good it had felt when she lay her arms around him and how her words seemed to slowly heal his pain.There had been nothing bad about that infact it had been wonderful.Hiccup realized that it had not been his feelings for Ruff that had gotten him here it was his fear and guilt.His heart ached with regret and his voice was almost a whisper when he finaly managed to say something."Yes it did." Valka departed from him and smiled softly."Good if it makes you happy then I don't think Astrid would have a problem with it."Valka said reasurringly.Hiccup felt a mixture of confusion and realization forming in his heart.He had alwas thought that Astrid waited for him in valhalla and that she was furryous at his betrayl but now he realized that maybe his mother was right.Astrid had always wanted him to be happy and it wasnt like she hated Ruff.They had been best friends and maybe Astrid even liked that he loved Ruff because it helped her with her grief over Tuffs death.If she was furyious about anything then about him breaking Ruffs heart.Astrid had always been very proctective of her friends and one of them being hurt so much that they left Berk would defenetly cause her to atack someone with her axe.

Hiccup felt like a big stone had been removed from his heart and if Ruff had been still here this would be one of the greatest moments in his life but she wasnt.His desire to find her was now stronger than ever.He needed to find her to tell her how sorry he was and that he wanted to be loved by her.

They did not fly immediately.Snotlout and Fishlegs who he found at the great hall were immediately ready but the other riderers were all still eating in the great hall and not all of them were willling to search hundreds of islands for one single person. The most unwilling one was spitelout who said very anoyed after Hiccup told him to come with them "Im not wasting my time searching for that stupid girl. Im sorry chief but it was her decision to go so its her fault if something happens to her."Hiccup felt burning anger overtaking his senses and he was almost tempted to punch spitelout in his ugly face.Luckily Snotlout pulled him away before anything could happen. "He just want to provoke you because you did not allow him to search for the hunters and besides I think it is better when he isn't coming with us." Snotlout said in a mixture of anger and frustration.Hiccup had no idea how Snotlout had survived his childhood with that man being his father but he was glad that Snotlout wasnt saying yes to whatever his father said anymore.

When the small group of riders finaly assembeld infront of the great hall it was almost noon.Gustav was the only one of the oxillury riders who had agreed to help with the search.He looked really tired and Hiccup guessed that last weeks hadnt been easy for him.He had been the one who distracted Hiccup before Astrid got killed and he clearly felt guilty because of it.Hiccup held no grudge against him and was greatful for his presence.The other riders were of course snotlout and Fishlegs and his mother and Eret.Six riders wasnt much but it had been enough to bring down an entire hunter empire years ago so Hiccup did not worry about that.He somehow felt nostalgic at the sight of all of them sitting on their dragons waiting for his commands. It was almost like their time on the edge when you ignored the fact that three of the riders from back then were gone and three new ones had taken their place. Hiccup could not bring back Tuff and Astrid but he could bring back Ruff.

"Alright.I think we should split up so we can cover more ground." Hiccup said sternly and let his eyes wander to everyone of them."Snotlout, Fishlegs you fly west . Gustav and Eret you fly east and check out every island that you can find. My mother and I will fly north." The riders nodded in agreement and so they finaly began their search.

It was a very windy but sunny day.There were only a few white clouds visible on the horizon.Hiccup and Valka flew to dragon island first but they dd not find anythin exept for dragins of course.

So they flew to the next one and to the next one until Hiccups hope slowly got replaced by desperation.He had no idea what to do when they failed to find her.He hoped that the other riders would have more luck but that was only hope.The air was getting colder and the clouds that once had been fluffy white dods were now turning into a big grey carpet that slowly spred across the sky.Hiccup knew what that meant but he did not care all he cared about was Ruff."What if a hunter group got her?"Hiccup asked fearfuly expressing the thought that had formed itself in the back of his mind." Then we will save her and if they have her I would worry more about them." Hiccup had to admit that his mother had a point.He knew how much Ruff loved to anoy her captors unil they snapped and it seemed to wok everytime. It was honestly a wonder that none of the hunters had thought of way to quiet her and that was why his mothers words werent able to defeat his worry.Sure Ruffs strategie had alaways worked but it was very dangerous one that would surely get her hurt someday.The last time she had used that strategie on Viggo it had ended with her being nearly drowned and that was nothing compared to what Drago would have done to her if she tried to toy with him.The thought alone made Hiccup shiver and he prayed to the goods that if Ruff had been captured she would be quiet for once."If it happened we need to find her even faster."He said not able to tell his mother any of his thoughts because they were to terrifying for him.

When the sun started to set it began to rain.First it were just a few raindrops and then it turn into a flut of water.Hiccup could barely see his mother who flew infront of him." Im sorry son but I think we should head back it is getting late and the others are surely waiting for us." Hiccup sighed he did not want to turn back. He knew that the next island that they could land on was a dozent miles away from their location but he did not want to turn back now.If he did he it would feel like he had let Ruff Ruff down.He was sure that she woud never give up on him and he refused to give up on her."You can fly back mom but I cant give up now." He said hoping that she would understand."Hiccup I know this is hard for you but maybe the others found her already and even if not we can countinue once the storm has ended.It is too dangerous to fly out here alone!" Hiccup did not believe that the others had any luck and his nerves defenetely could not stand to wait on Berk but there was something in his mothers voice that made it clear to him that she would not accept a no.Hiccup knew that she just wanted him to be safe and that she understood what he was going through.He had no choice so he nodded solomly.They turned around and while they flew back Hiccup sent a silent promise to Valhalla.

"I will bring your sister back to Berk and I will never keep her save I promise."He hoped that Tuff could hear him and that he forgave him.

Hiccps assumption proved itself right when they landed on the harbor next to the other riders.They all were soaked with water and their expressions were a mixture of tiredness and sadness.Hiccup felt dissapointment wash over him and dark thoughts began to crawl into his mind again.Were could Ruff be that not even six experienced dragonriders could find her? Maybe she was chained up in a huntercell were they tried to beat every single information they wanted out of her or she was happily reunited with her brother again in valhallla.Those thoughts caused tears to form in his eyes but he quickly rubbed his eyes so the others would not see them.He did not want to seem weak to his people.He was their chief and a chief needed to be strong just like his father had been.Hiccup suddenly asked himself how many times Stoick had to hide his tears while he searched for Hiccups mother.

"We have searched over a dozent islands even screaming death island but there was no sign of her."Fishlegs said hoplessly." Snotlout nodded and looked away from them maybe to hide his own tears.Hiccup hated to see his friends like this but he could not think of something to cheer them up.Not with all those terriefying thoughts in his head."So what do we do now?" Eret asked uncomortably as if he was afraid that someone would be angry at him.Hiccup was not it was a legitamate question that Hiccup sadly had no answer to.He looked at Fishlegs and Snotlout who returned his look.There was fear in their eyes fear of loosing another friend.What should they do? Stay on Berk and life on like they had after Astrid and Tuffs death? No! Hiccup knew that that was impossible.He knew that he could never life with the guilt that would be caused because he would let Ruff down.If he gave up now he knew that his guilt would hunt him to his death.

Ruff meant so much to him.She had been his hope after Astrids death.His hope that someday he could heal from his guilt and his grief.But since her absence he felt like his slowly healing wounds were ripped open again.He needed her to heal and that was why he could not bare the thought of living on. He wanted to search for her but he was scared that something could happen to his friends.He knew that the islands were save but no one could say when a new hunter atack would be happening.He knew that it was paranoid but he somehow feared that if he would send his friends further away from Berk something horrible would happen."We can talk about that in the morning its late and we all need rest."His mother said soft but sternly at the same time.Hiccup did not want to wait until the morning."Yes you can but Im going back out there."

The others looked at him in a mixture of pity and shock well exept for Snotlout and Fishlegs who suddenly looked very angry."you mean we are going back out there." Fishlegs said defiantely and Snotlout added. "Do you really thing we would let our chief fly into a thunderstorm on his own?" Hiccup couldnt help but smile at their fierce loyalty but he had made his decision."Im sorry guys but you have to stay here.Berk cant loose three dragonriders and if I dont make it it will atleast be just one." He said knowing that that was a stupid reason.He may not like it but he was the chief abd therefore more important to Berk than his friends."Ruff is our friend too you know.What happened to we are a team?"Snotlouts voice was trembling and he looked at Hiccup like he was about to leave them forever.He knew how selfish he acted and he truly regreted it but he would not let his friends pay the prize for his mistake.

"I think they should really go with you Hiccup." His mother said carefuly.Hiccup appreachiated her attempt to convince him but he still wanted go alone."No,I dont want to loose anybody else.Its my fault that she is gone and no one elses. I will come back once I found her but I want all of you to be save so please dont make it harder for me." He pleeded and felt horrible for doing this to his friends.He knew how much this hurt them but he just couldn't allow them to fly with him through this worse and worse getting thunderstorm.

Snotlout glared at him while Fishlegs looked sad and confused.Hiccup hated those looks and wished he could change his mind and allow them to come with him but he couldnt."My son may have a point his nightfury is the only dragon who has a good sight in this storm and he is aslo quick enough to not get driven of corse by the wind." Hiccup was surprised at his mothers words but also thankful.He wondered what had caused her sudden change of mind maybe she knew that if Hiccup had put something on his mind no one could convince him otherwise.He had inharrated his fathers stubborness after all.Hicup smiled at his friends apologetegly not quiet sure what to say."I will come back with her dont worry." He said softly and the next thing he knew Snotlout punched him in the arm.

" I hate you Hiccup you and your stupid "I have to blame my self for anything that goes wrong and thats why I need to Fix it on my own" yak dung."Snotlout said sounding very much like his old self whenever he had called out Hiccups plans.Of course Snotlout had no idea that this time Hiccup actually had a legitamate reason to blame himself."I know you do and Im sorry that Im like this."He said trying to light up the mood a bit which faied because his own mood wasnt the best."Just,,just be careful Hiccup."Fishlegs begged looking very worried."I will be thanks Fishlegs."He said feellng a big knot forming in his stomach.His friends were worried about him and wanted to help and him and he forbad them to.He sat on Toothless and could feel everyones eyes looking at him."If yu arent back at noon Im leading a search party to find you."His mother said and Hiccup could hear the worry in her voice that she was trying to hide.He knew that she hated the idea of him flying n his own just as much as his friends but just as them she realiized that nothing could stop him.

"If you and Ruff dont come back I swear I'll kill you."Hiccup laughed at Snotlouts threat but also had a bad coniensce for making him so angry."You will come back right?" Gustav suddenly asked quietly.He had been so silent this while time that Hiccup almmost forgot that he was there.Hiccup felt a stabbing pain in his heart as he heard the fear Gustavs voice.He knew how much Gustav admired him and his friends and after two of them dying he surely wasnt happy at the thoght of wathcing another one leaving Berk even tho that there was only a little change that something could happen."Of course I will with Ruff you have my word." He said to all of them but he was looking at Snotlout and Fishlegs.They were his closest friends and they to had been a reason why he carried on after Astrids death.He could never put into words how much they mean to him so he wanted to atleast make them feel a little bit better.They nodded silently and Fishlegs actually managed a thin smile.He seemed to believe in Hiccups words and Hiccup hoped that he would not have to dissapoint him.He looked at the others and saw that all of them look worried but also hopefull.They wanted to believe that he would find Ruff and Hiccup knew that he would.He smiled at his friends and mother one more time and said:Ill se you at noon." Then he took of and trew himself into the storm.

It was a big difference to stand on the ground during a storm and flying in one.The wind was raging everywere around him and sometimes a gusty was pressing against Toothelss causing the nightfury to fly lower.Lighting was flashing across the sky and thunder roared loudly. Rain was poring down merciessly soaking Hiccups already wet clothes. The cold water caused him too shiver but the weather wasnt his biggest problem.His biggest problem was his cluelessnes.He had talked to his friends as if finding Ruff was the easiest thing in the world but the truth was that he had no idea were start.They had searched every island that was close to Berk and even the ones that were farer away.The only ones left were islands that you needed over one hour hours to get to. Hiccup was worried of wasting time by flying to the wrong island.He wanted to find Ruff as fast as possible and wasting time did not go along well with that.

He tried to think in which direction he would have flown if he was Ruffnut but his head was empty.One thing actually came into his mind but it made him even more misrable.Ruff had propably wanted to get as far away from him as possible.This fact hurt him deeply but he could not blame her.She was ready to give up her feelings for him to save their friendship but he had been already on his way to end it or she thought.Of course Hiccup had never indended on their friendship being over.He just wanted to put it on a break but even that seemed selfish to him now. Ruff and he had been friends since they were fifteen.She had fought so many battles at his side that he lost count, and she never complained about it.Instead she had been always ready to fight and risk her life in the fight against multiple hunergroups.Even in the most horrible time in her life she had been there for him and how did he repay her?He told her that they needed to stay away from each other and then left without even looking at her. There was so much he regreted and so much he wanted to tell her when he had found her. Unfortunately he still had no idea were to fly and Ruff was probably very good at hiding given all the pranks she had executed with her brother in the name of loki.Loki! The name of the god of michief suddenly gave him an idea were Ruff might be.

There was an island approximately two hours away from Berk if you flew with a dragon.It was a big island with a big forest and many deep caves to hide in.It was called Loki island after the good of mischief who to no ones surprise had been the favourite good of the twins.They had decitated their liefes to him and executed every prank in his name.They even had flown to his island only one month after they left the edge.When they had come back they spoke about nothing else but that island.Hiccup felt a lttle but stupid for not thinking of this earlier.It seemed so obvious that Ruff would go there not just because it was lokis island but also because the island was the only placee were she would only be reminded of Tuff.He felt excitement rising in him as he finaly knew were to go.He let Toothless fly to the southwest were the location of loki island should be.He had never been there but his father had once isisted that he should study archepelago maps so he would know were which island was.Back then he had been sixteen and did not quiet understand what use was suppossed to come from that but now he was greatful for it.

When Hiccup finaly spotted the island his excitemend hadn't vanished. He knew that it was the right one because it was much bigger than the ones he had flown over ealier.Those had just been small piles of rocks who barely deserved the name island but on this one was a beautiful forest which had thress from any kind.He could also see a large rocks and cave intrances bneath them. The storm was still raging and the rain made it hard to see but the island still looked very impressive to him.

He flew a little bit lower so he could see better through the gaps between the trees. His heart was punding wiedly as if it wanted to break out of his chest.He told himself to stay calm because he needed to concentrate on finding her and if she wasnt here all of his excitement would have been for nothing.He saw nothing but mud and trees and sometimes a scared terrible terror. He slowly flew over the forest for a few minutes and saw no sign of her but then he saw a large green Zippleback lying one ground and the head of the right one lay in the lap of a person.Hiccups heart jump in joy and he had tears of relief in his eyes. She was here.She wasnt captured or killed she was save.He landed close to were Ruff lay and seeing her after almost a month had passed made him realize how much he had missed her. She was sleeping peacuflluy with one had on Barfs head. Her hair was unbraided and Hiccup wondered if she aways braided her hair in the morning.

The peaceful scene infront of him seemed out of place in the middle of this loud thunderstorm.I was wonder that Ruff was even able to sleep with all this loud thunder but then again chaos and loud noises was something Ruff was very used to hear or atleast she had been.Hiccup loved how there was no trace of sadness in her face. He had imagened her being completly broken but it seemed like she was fine.Atleast she wasnt to affected by his mistake.He wanted to wake her immediately and apologize to her but something was holding him back.What was he suppossed to say? That he wanted her to come back with him after hurting her so much that she came here? That he had realized that he could not life without her after telling her that they should stay away from each other? He knew that those words werent enough to excuse his behaviour.He had brought her so much pain and now he was about to ripp her out of the peace that she had apperantly found here. His heart ached in regret and suddenly he was not so sure that he wanted Ruff to wake up.She would surely be angry to see him and he was scared of how she would voice that anger.Perhaps it would be better for both of them he would leave now.He knew it would be hard for but he was sure that Ruff would jot come wth him anyway.He wanted her to be happy and if she was happier here alone and without him he did no want to take her away from that.

He gently lay a hand on toothless head."Come on bud lets get out of here." he whispered regretfuly.toothless gave an anoyed growl at his words. The dragon was quiet frustrated that his rider was not going to do what would make him happy.He decieded that he needed to help him a little and so the nighfury walked closer to Ruffs face and began to gently nugde her cheek with his snout.Hiccup felt panic rising at his stomach."toothless no! Stop it please! He said desperately but toothless did not listen.He countinued to nugde Ruffs cheek.She frowned in her sleep and turn her head as if she did not like being nugded."Barf stop it I told you Im not in the mood for pranks." She mumbeled still sleeping but Hiccup knew that it would only take seconds now until she was awake.Her dragon was faster.The zippelback seemed to fell their presence and barf slowly raised his head.When he spotted Toothless he gave a joyful growl and Belch joined him soon.Hiccup thought about running away but Toothless presence would tell Ruff that he was here so it was pointless.So he stood still and hoped that somehow Ruff would not see him. She finaly awoke with a big yawn and she was clearly confused by all the growling and something nudgin g her.Ruff tried to push toothless head away and he immediately stoped and looked at her friendly.Ruff rubbed her eyes and sat up. Her eyes landed on toothless first and they widened in surprise."toothless what are..." she stoped when toothless pointed in Hiccups direction with his head.Hiccup heart sank as Ruffs blue eyes landed on him.

Shock, confioson,anger and sadness all those emotions flashed over Ruffs face in one second.She did not say anything which was even worse than if she had.If she would yell at him he would atleast know what she was thinking. Ruff just starred at him and he starred back as if he was scared that one word would make her dissapear again.

"What are you doing here?" Ruff asked and Hiccups heart ached at the anger and sadness he heard in her voice.She had always spoken to him softly but of course that had been before he messed everything up."I..I... searched for you." Ruff raised her eyebrows and stood up."I thought you wanted to stay away from me."She said but her voice sounded more confused than angry.Hiccups guilt made his stomach turn and he looked away ashamed of himself."No...I mean yes in that moment I wanted to but as soon as I left you I regreted it and when you dissapeared I...I realized that I.. I cant life without you."He said quickly before he was to scared to say something again.He meant every word that he had said but stil felt like it was not enough.He looked at Ruff and was worried when he saw the pain in her eyes."What about Astrid dont you feel guilty because of her?" Hiccup shook his head and was happy that no doubts formed in his mind.He still loved Astrid but that wasnt standing in the way of his love for Ruff anymore."No.I figured that she would want me to be happy and you make me happy.Im so sorry for hurting you like this. I love you and I shouldnt have rejected your help it was stupid and I will never forgive myself for it but please come back to Berk with me." He begged feeling like Ruffs answere would decide if he would life or not.He kept his eyes on her and saw how much his question troubeled her.She had clenched her hands into fists and her eyes still had that pained expression.Hiccup felt the urge to comfort her but he ha no idea how she would respond to that so he decided against it.Instead he waited for an answer and which came soon in the form of a barely understandeable whisper.

"I...I dont know if I can." The pain in her voice hurt Hiccup and made him regret coming here.She had looked so peaceful in her sleep and now she was in pain again because of him."Its alright Ruff its your decision but if it has anything to do with me-" Its not because of you." Ruff interrupted him quickly."I came here because I thought I had lost you forever just like Tuff and I could not stand that pain but I also had enough of all those people talking about Tuff and me as if they suddenly cared for us.I juts wanted to get away from it all and figure out my feelings. Being here really helped me to forget my pain and I also realized that I really love you which hurt becuase I thought that you would never talk to me again.I was also angry because you rejected my help but I told myself over and over again that you had a good reason to.Hiccup you being here after only a month telling me that you love me too means so much to me and I would love to come back with you but Im not sure if I can stand the pain of being there hearing the elders talk about Tuff again.I feel like my grief has gotten so much better and Im scared that going back will make it worse."

Hiccup felt a big wave of empathy for Ruff washing over him he was happy that she was not upset because of him and he understood her.Back when he had been the runt of the village the distgusted looks and the talking of the old vikings had been really hurtful for him too and he did not have to deal with grief at the time.

"Its alright Ruff just take your time to think about it but I promise you that if you come with me I we will face them together."He said softly. Ruff smiled weakly and said after a while."I missed you Hiccup."and then she pulled him into a tieght hug.Hiccup was surprised at the sudden body contact but he immediately pulled her closer.He felt his heart pounding and butterflies seemed to fly wiedly in his stomach.He could not believe that just this evenin he had feared that she was dead and now he was holding her in his arms and she still loved him.They could be happy together the only problem was her bein worried about he grief but Hiccup would not stress her about it.He would give her time to think about coming with him and if she needed a month for it he would wait here with her."I missed you too." He replied thinking about all the regret and the worry he had felt in the last weeks.

They held eachother for a long time and neither of them cared that it was raining heavily or that their dragons were watching them."I really thought I lost you forever." Ruff said after a while and Hiccup felt guilty again.He had told Ruff the night she left that they only needed too stay away from eachother for a few weeks but now that really seemed a cruel thing to say to someone who was depending on his comforts.

"I know but that wouldnt have happened I actually planed on visiting you in the next morning because I felt so terrible.I don't think I could have stayed away from you if I saw you everyday."Hiccup said amused."So I guess I made it a lot easier for you!"Ruff laughed and Hiccup felt a litle bit angry."No not really after a week I could think about nothing else but you and..I laso dreamed about you." He said and felt a little bit akward.Telling someone that your dreaming about them sounded really weird to Hiccup and he wondered how Ruff felt about this."Wow I did not know that I mean that much to you Hiccup. I'm honored." She said in a false arrogant tone but Hiccup could tell how flattered she was by his words."You are my best friend Ruff and I love you of course you should already know that I care a lot about you."Hiccup realized how cheessy those words sounded but Ruff apperantly did not care about that. She just laughed again and Hiccup suddenly realized how much he liked her laugh." So how did you find me?" Ruff asked coriously as she departed from him."I remembered your and Tuffs love for loki and that gave me the idea to come here."he explained and Ruff nodded amused. " What abut the others? Did they worry much about me?" she asked and Hiccup could hear deep guilt in her voice.Hiccup told her about Fishlegs blaming himself and Snotlout insisting they shoul search for her and he told her about her mother who at the beginning had been very calm but also began to worry after the second week. "Im sure they all would be very happy to see you Ruff." He finished trying to give her a reason to come back with him. Ruff sighed frustrated." I know and I would love to see them but I'm not sure if I want to hear what the elders have to say about my dissaperance or another one of their stories of how different I'm as if they loved my old self."Her words were cutting deep into Hiccups heart as he realized what they meant. He had know that then Berkians werent exatcly fond of the twins but the hurt tone in Ruffs voice told him that there was much more."You pranked a hundret tiimes so its no wonder that they are a little bit anoyed." He said jokingly because he did not want to talk about a topic that was clearly painful for Ruff."They arent just anoyed they hate me and they hated Tuff."Ruff replied and her voice sounded strangely thin.Hiccup wanted to tell her that that was not true but he knew otherwise.He had seen spitelouts behaviour towards them.The thought that several of his people hated Ruff and had hated Tuff made him sad and angry.How could anyone hate such optimistic hunerous people? "What did they do to make you think that?" He asked carefuly and prepared himself for anything." It already started when we were little children.You might have noticed that the most members of my family are drunk loosers or gamblers.Thats why many of the adults already looked down on us and our pranks werent helping.The pranks weren't even that bad but the adults always acted like we destroyed the entire island. One time when we were five we put a snake in Erik haraldsons bed. It wasnt even a poisonous one we just wanted to scare him.We hid behind his house but after he had discovered the snake he ran outside and found us,"Ruff paused fr a moment as if it hurt her to countinue."He said that we were inbreds and that the village would be better of if we were gone.We were so scared that we could not move and when I finaly spoke in our defence he.. he slapped me. From that moment on I knew that most of the adults hated us. Tuff always tried to be liked by them but I gave up.Thats why cant belive that they suddenly care about me. they just act all pitiful because they think Im mentaly unstable or because you are the chief.I wished I could believe that they like me but they don't."Hiccup was shocked and did not know what to say.He could not believe that someone on Berk would ever hit a child jsut because of some stupid snake.Hiccup wondered if his father had known about this but probably not if he had Erik would have surely been banished.Hiccup had thought he had a difficult life on Berk during the war with the dragons but now it seemed like the twins had been much worse.The adult vikings had also looked down on him and had called him runt and useless but they had never hit him.

He now truly understood Ruff and the thought that he never knew about this hurt him.She had always seemed so strong and he thought that there was nothing vonruable in her but apperantly he had been wrong.It now felt unfair to him to him to take her back to Berk to all those people.He should just let her life here in peace. "Im so sorry Ruff." was all he could say.He should have known about this. He should have known how the twins had been treated but they had always seemed so happy so it never accured to him."Its okay Hiccup Im used to it." Ruff said but Hiccup knew that she was lying."No its not.I should have noticed something.I should have stoped them threaating you like this."He said and his voice was full of regret. He thought that maybe he should have used the time he had scaulded the twins for asking thm about their problems instead.Ruff shook her head and took hiis hand."You always have to blame yourself for something dont you? You couldnt have noticed something and you did something way better. You took us to the edge which was the best time of my life."Hiccup felt greatful for her words and he had to agree that the edge had been a really great experience for them all. "Can we please talk about something else now?"Ruff begged and Hiccup was reliefed.He did not want to stay on this topic because it clearly hurt Ruff."Of course! Are you tired?" He asked suddenly remembereing that it was the middle of the night."No there is to much going on inside my head right now. I just want to talk." Ruff said and Hiccup realized that their conversation was the first one she had after three weeks."Alright lets talk then."

They sat down and their dragons lay down on each of their sides.They apperantly were tired because they were asleep in seconds.The rain finaly stopped and the storm seemed to move on.

"Did you tell anyone that I kissed you?" Ruff asked and sounded a lttle embaressed."Yes my mom but no one else."Ruff looked at him with amusemend. "Not even Snotlout and Fishlegs?" she asked surprised and Hiccup could not blame her.Normaly his friends and he had told eachother everything but Hiccup had not want to think about the kiss not to mention talk about it."No.I wanted to keep that kiss a secret. It was my guilt that told it to mom."He said still feeling comforted at the memory of his mother hugging him.

"I wonder how they would have reacted if you told them." Ruff said grinning and Hiccup could almost see Snotlout and Fishlegs shocked faces infront of him."I think Snotlout would take it harder than Fishlegs." He joked remembering all the long conversations with his cousin in which he claimed that Ruff and he would grow old together.Hiccup had never really paid attention to the rivalry between Fishlegs and Snotlout but if he had he always noticed that Snotlout had been more into it.Fishlegs on the other hand had seemed to get tired of this rivalry.Hiccup was sure that he had loved Ruff but over time his crush on her seemed to vanish.

Ruff laughed as she seemed to imagine her friends reactions." "Yeah.But atleast it wouldnt be as bad as it would have been it happened a few months ago.He stoped flirting with me so I guess he figured that I'm not into him."Snotlout stoping to flirt really seemed strange for him and again Hiccup was sad how much his friend had changed since Tuff and Astrids death.This thought made him realize something else.

"Ruff a few months ago we wouldnt have kissed." He said and immediately asked himself it he had said something cruel. Ruff looked at him in false anger and then broke into laughter."Youre right but maybe I could have lied about a kiss between us." Ruff said mischiefously and Hiccup had to laugh."Astrid would have killed you." He replied and felt happy because it somehow did not hurt to talk about her."It would have been worth it and besides you would have stoped her like you always did when she wanted to kill someone." Hiccup knew that she was right. He had always been very good at keeping Astrid from killing people and Astrid was always greatful when he did it."Yes and then you would have to deal with Tuffs jokes."He replied and this time he was not scared to talk about Tuff.They had been appart for so long and somehow Hiccup felt like they could talk about anything now."Yes it would have probably been something about how I should have influenced you to join our side of chaos." They both laughed and Hiccup felt happy for the first time in three weeks."I miss those days were were just joking around." Ruff said and Hiccup nodded in agreement.He missed those times to and he had hoped that with brining Ruff back maybe they would return.He did not dare to tell her that because they were having so much fun right now and he did not want her to be in pain."Yes me too even thos youre jokes sometimes anoyed me." He replied and Ruff shook her head."Tuff and i were just trying to cheer you up from your boring lifes."She said as if that was a pefectly valid explonation.

Ruff yawned suddenly and leaned against him.He loved her being so close to him so he wrapped his arms around her waist."I missed conversations.You are a very good person to talk to Hiccup."She said softly and Hiccups heart was filled with joy.He had missed their conversations too and was glad that they hadnt changed."I happily return that compliment Ruff."He replied and then did something he did not plan to do he leaned forward and kissed her on her forhead.He surprised especially because he always used to kiss Astrid like that before they went to sleep.Strangely he felt no guilt but he knew why.He knew that Astrid did not blame him for loving Ruff and that kiss only meant that he loved Ruff just as much as her."Wow that was unesxpected and sweet."Ruff said amused."Yes just like your kiss."He said gently and Ruff looked at him greatfuly.

She leaned herself against his chest and after a while she almost whispered."Im coming back to Berk with you."Hiccup had not expected that and so just starred atb her in confusion.Then her words became clear to him and he was overtaken by joy.She would come back with him.They could live a happy lfe together but he was still confused as to why she suddebly had made that desicion."Are you not scared of the people anymore?" He asked confused. Ruff looked at him and her expression was sad but also defiant."Yes I'm but talking about the others made me realise how much I love them and that I do'nt want to abandon them because of some stupid old vikings." She said defiantly and Hiccup felt admiration for her rising in him.She was ready to leave this really peacful place to return to a place were most people did not like her because of her love for her family and friends.She really strong and brave even tho she had vonroable side.Hiccup hugged her and said in a serous tone."Good and if any of them are bothering you you can tell me.I will be there for you I promise." Ruff was silent for a while but then she departed from him and he could see greatfulness in her eyes." I love you Hiccup." His heart pounded and his stomach turned. It felt like the first time he had kissed Astrid. Hiccup looked deep into her pretty blue eyes and said gently."I love you too Ruff."Then they kissed. It was long deep kiss not short and akward like their last one.He pulled Ruff closer and she pulled on him.They melted together and Hiccup wished they could stay like this forever and for now they could.Tomorrow they would fly to Berk and he would tell anyone that Ruff was his girlfriend but for now they sat here on this peacful clearing.Two friends,two young lovers who were finaly healed from their grief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. So this was the ending to my Ruffcup story and I hope it inspiert you to make one too. I love hurt comfort Ruffcup and I will propably make more storys about them.
> 
> Let me know what you thought<3


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